Weaknesses
by ConclusionsOfTheHeart
Summary: The Akatsuki are no doubt, known for being a group of incredibly strong ninja. But even the most powerful ninja have some type of... weakness. What happens when each members' weakness is ultimately tested by rather... unusual challenges? And does Pein hold a special loathing for blondes?
1. Weaknesses

**PROLOGUE:** Just to give you an idea of what's going on and what's to come in the next chapters.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

"Deidara, I'm glad you're here. Now there is an important matter that we must discuss."

"Sure what is it un?"

Deidara had never particularly liked their leader. After forcing him into the Akatsuki, waking him at inadequate hours of the day and night to go on dumb missions, and ignoring his requests for raises or breaks. But at the end of the day, he had to admit, Pein was at least the _slightest_ bit reasonable. Today however, his mind had changed and came to the conclusion that his leader had no idea what reason was.

"Wait a second, Sir. _What do you want me to do un?"_ Deidara asked holding back his incredulous look.

Pein sighed. "We've been through this, Deidara. It isn't difficult to comprehend."

"Well maybe not, but I mean, what's the point?"

Thus Pein restarted his long story of explanation.

"I will say this once more. This organization is one of overwhelming power, and that is only because of the ninja within it. We are the Akatsuki. Even so, over the past few months, I have been closely observing you all and noticed at least one weakness from almost each one of you. We cannot let anything disrupt our goals in the future."

Deidara nodded impatiently wanting him to go on.

"This is why I decided we will spend a week trying something new: Each day a member will be challenged against you. Their challenge will be to face the weakness that I see within them. After all, the best way to strengthen a ninja in their flaws is to face their weak points and conquer them once and for all, eventually making us invincible." Pein finished, intertwining his fingers after placing them on his desk giving an air of finality.

The bomber could understand that. He even thought it was a good strategy when it came to strengthening, however that didn't mean he was for it.

"Okay, but why me? Why do I have to be the one to face them all?"

The ginger-haired man looked up from his paper work. "It's simple. We don't have enough time in our schedule to go through every member. Konan and I decided we had to leave one of you out, and since you seem to be the most well-balanced, you will not be tested, but we were still in need of an executer. So, instead of being tested, you will be each member's opponent. Think of it as a type of mission."

The blonde narrowed his eyes at Pein. Deidara loved to fight, and he wasn't above getting another opportunity to use his art. But there was something about the gleam in Pein's ringed eyes that put him on edge. Something that told him he wouldn't like this.

Finally Deidara spoke, deciding to take a risk "And if I refuse, un?"

Pein fixed him with his usual reserved stare. "There will be no refusal Deidara."

Deidara looked on stubbornly.

"Actually, I've just realized I have a dozen folders full of missions that need accomplishing, and I'm afraid your partner, Sasori will be busy, however Tobi will be free for every single one. There is over twelve."

Deidara's heart skipped beat. Anything but that.

"That's not even the beginning of the tasks you'll receive if you will not willingly cooperate."

Deidara sighed inwardly. Ok, he thought. Maybe he was getting worked up for nothing. How hard could it be to face almost every member anyway? Especially when it came to a competition along the lines of their weaknesses?

He sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll do it. When do we start?"

"You will face your first opponent tomorrow. By the way it's in your best interest you try your best to win each challenge. I want no slacking off. Or else." Pein's eyes narrowed threateningly. Deidara forced himself to bow respectfully as he accepted this weird 'mission'. As he went to the door however, he asked the question that was making him doubt this whole thing.

"Leader. What exactly are these challenges going to be, hm?" For the first time ever, Deidara saw Pein's lips quirk up in a ghost of a smirk.

"You'll see."


	2. Aggression

**A/N: The challenges… begin!**

 **Aggression**

"Attention, everyone," Pein stood upon a stage that he and Konan had set up the previous day. It was very wide and long, stretching the length of one wall, taking up space in the Akatsuki's lounging room. Deidara noted it was probably for these 'challenges' that he didn't know whether to like or dread. He rolled his eyes. Every Akatsuki member was present, some standing looking up at Pein's elevated form some sitting lazily on the couch.

"I have called this meeting because we are starting something new today. As you all have noticed there are no upcoming mission for this week."

"Heh, fine with me!" Hidan remarked, leaning farther into the couch. Kakuzu glared at him warningly.

"Anyway, I have already informed Deidara because he is the one you will all be facing. Starting today one of you will go against Deidara in a specific challenge that I have come up with for each one of you."

There were grumbles of confusion until Kisame spoke up. "Yes, but what is this for, why are we doing this Pein-sama?" Pein sighed as he realized he'd have to explain things again. After telling everyone, he ignored all their questions and confused objections.

"There will be no more questions. Now," Pein did a type of jutsu, and suddenly, a desk appeared facing the big stage and he and Konan, who was equipped with a bell and clipboard took a seat. "Our first challenge: Deidara VS. Tobi." With that, Pein threw a couple hands signs and the stage turned into a boxing ring.

"Eh?" Tobi stared wide eyed at the ring and shook his head franticly. "Leader, you're not implying what I think you are. R-right?"

Deidara looked at it too and his eyes lit up a bit. Maybe this mission wouldn't be so bad after all...

"I wasn't finished," Pein said. "Tobi, your weakness is your lack of aggression. There _is_ a reason you're in this organization..."

 _'Haven't figured that one out yet'_ Deidara thought bitterly.

"You have the power, you must be strong enough to face anything with your power, even things you may not want to face. Therefore, your opponent will be your part time partner, Deidara."

Some of the members snickered at the situation.

"Ha! Tobi's about to get his ass whoped!"

"Hidan." Kona turned around to glare at the jashinist. "Grow up, this isn't for entertainment, this is an exercise to get Tobi to overcome his weakness, now shut up!"

Tobi jumped around nervously. "But leader, I don't want to fight Senpai! I don't want to hurt him! Can't I do anything else?"

The leader's eyes narrowed again. "Tobi, get up there. Now. And if you think about backing out of this, you will be punished. Whoever says 'I give up' first loses, understand? These are the only rules."

Deidara smirked as he stepped into the ring, taking his cloak off and slipping the black gloves on. Maybe this would teach the masked idiot to ever annoy him again. Tobi slowly stepped in as well, putting on his own set of gloves.

All eyes were on the pair as they faced each other. "You have fifteen minutes at the most. This match starts..." Konan smacked the bell twice. "Now!"

The pair began to circle each other. Deidara looking for an opening to strike. Tobi leaned towards him.

"Hey, Senpai!" He whispers desperately. "Go easy on me ok? We don't have to fight for real. How bout this, we swi- OW!" Tobi cried as a swift punch was thrown at the side of his face. Deidara scoffed.

"No bargaining, Tobi. Come on, hm!" He threw another punch at his face as some of the members cheered and whooped. Tobi dogged and jumped around. The artist threw multiple painful punches at his stomach and Tobi doubled over. Deidara held back a gleeful laugh. This was actually kind of fun he had never fought in boxing style before, and it wasn't every day you could beat the crap out of the person you hated and get away with it.

After a few more successful punches, Tobi began to scream, running away from the blonde. Thus a chase began.

Pein stood from his seat, annoyed. "No, you stay in that ring Tobi, and stop running!" He sat back down.

"I can't do this! I can't fight my friend, Pein-samaaa-" Tobi fell to the mat as Deidara tackled him. He straddled his waist, grinning wickedly.

"Come on Tobi, un!" He delivered punch after punch to the masked man's mask, arms or any place that was exposed, as Tobi yelped in protest. "You just gonna let me sock you like this? Fight back, yeah!" Finally after a few moments, Tobi threw his arm out, striking Deidara right in the nose. The blonde's head flew back, and he gasped in surprise. He wasn't actually expecting him to fight back.

His nose began bleeding, but he paid it no mind, as he was used to much worse. All was silent as Tobi used the opportunity to shove the blonde off of him. And scramble to his feet. All eyes, even Itachi's were on the duo. Hidan whistled.

Tobi glanced around exasperated. "See? What's the point of this, I'm just hurting Senpai, I can't do this!" Tobi pouted, crossing his arms and turning away from Deidara.

Pein stared on expressionless. "One of you must forfeit."

"Oh come on, you think a little nose bleed's going to kill me? I'll show you just how hurt I am! This has to end, un!" Deidara growled as he ran towards the cowering masked man. Tobi tripped the artist and he tumbled back to the ground, much to his embarrassment. After a few moments, he stood up, fuming as the other members snickered, and even Itachi smirked a bit.

"I know there has to be a winner, but I won't fight you!" Tobi put a finger to his chin in thought, then he perked up suddenly. "Aha!" That's it!" He yanked off his gloves revealing his bare wriggling fingers. Deidara paused, staring at him apprehensively.

"One of us has to forfeit, Senpai, and I have to pass my challenge." Tobi chuckled evilly. Before Deidara could understand what was happening, he was on the mat again and to his humiliation, he burst out laughing as the masked man began to tickle him. Everyone else began laughing too at the ridiculous actions Tobi was resorting to.

"Tobi you idiot!" Deidara gasped as he was already running out of breath from the laughter. This was ridiculous. He could barely think straight as Tobi tickled him relentlessly. "Stop right now!" He squealed.

"Not until you give up!" Tobi screeched through Deidara's laughter. Was this even okay? Why wasn't Pein stopping him?

"The idiot's got him now!" Hidan snickered. After a few more minutes of the torture, Deidara finally caved.

"Okay, I give up!" he wheezed, and Tobi stopped instantly jumping up, throwing his hands in the air victoriously. Konan dinged the bell three times as she giggled to herself. Everyone cheered.

"The winner is...Tobi!" Pein's loud voice boomed. Deidara slowly stood up, fuming and face red in shame as he realized he'd just lost to TOBI, of all people. He shoved Tobi out of the way furiously, after smacking him in the back of the head as hard as he could. He was prepared to kill the man for real this time when-

"Deidara, you may not blow Tobi up. Stop this at once." The blonde spun around, shoving his finger at Pein.

"He cheated, you saw that, hmm!" Pein's cold rinnegan fell upon him.

"The only rule was the safe words. Now, I admit, though I didn't exactly… favor Tobi's strategy, I suppose he has still passed. You lost, Deidara. For that, your salary will decrease 5%, and we will talk more later. You will receive your next opponent tomorrow."

The blonde growled angrily, tick mark on his forehead pulsing painfully as he stomped outside to blow some things up, imagining it was the leader.

 **A/N: Review and tell me what you think? :D**


	3. Stoicism

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own anything in this story except for the plot. Hehe... :)**

 **...**

 **Stoicism**

The next day, all the members were back in the lounge room once again to engage in the daily challenge. Pein cleared his throat and rose his hand, getting everyone's attention.

"Now we are, going forward to day two of our daily challenges. Last night, me and Konan thought and discussed deeply on who our next challenger would be, and we have finally come to a decision." Everyone stared at Pein, awaiting his next words.

Konan stood up and held the clip board in her hands, face stern and formal. "Next challenge: Deidara-san VS. Itachi-san." Deidara's heart began to pound as his ears were filled with the member's chatter. He hated the Uchiha, and he'd usually jump at the opportunity to defeat him at something, but as much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't sure he was ready to face the weasel. He was still in the process of training to get his revenge on him.

"Itachi, you are Deidara's next opponent because, I have sensed a weakness within you that cannot be ignored." Pein said solemnly.

Itachi raised his eyes questioningly to meet the leaders, he looked slightly disinterested. "Hn."

"You are one of the most strong this organization has, however. You are very reserved and have a stoicism about you that gives me the impression that you have something bottled up inside."

Itachi raised his eyebrow slightly. Since when did a ruthless killer care about his subordinates feelings?

"My point is if you continue to act this way, it can become an eventual problem during your missions."

Itachi stared ahead blankly. "I have no idea what you're talking about. My personal problems do not hinder my performance during missions and I believe that's all that matters, am I wrong?", Itachi spoke flatly. It was very rare he spoke this much and every eye was on him in silent astonishment.

"Pein-sama's got a point, Itachi-san.", Kisame said reluctantly. "You do seem to be naturally tense, and whenever we're on missions I can sense your manner making others suspicious. That could've blown our cover at anytime...", Kisame said trailing off with a shrug of the shoulders. Itachi ignored his partner.

"The way I am has nothing to do with matters concerning the Akatsuki." Itachi said with the same flat tone, indicating that he didn't wish to continue this discussion.

"If that's what you'd like to think, Itachi, but as the leader of the Akatsuki, you will participate. Am I clear?" Pein's voice sounded dangerously calm. Itachi was less than pleased, to say the least, but he didn't believe challenging the leader anytime soon was necessary. He sighed inaudibly, standing up. Might as well get this over with.

Pein nodded in content. "Very well. This is for your own good, Itachi. Now, since I believe the solution to your weakness is loosening up, your challenge will be a dance-off. Yo-"

"What?!" Deidara yelled indignantly in chorus with Hidan and Kisame who were amused beyond compare.

"Leader's finally lost it." Kisame muttered to a bored looking Sasori. Itachi continued standing in place, looking impassive, though he tensed slightly.

"Oh hell no, un! Sir, I don't see how this will help Itachi in any way! I refuse to do this!" Deidara said boldly but instantly regretted it as he was forcefully smacked into the wall with something that felt like a strong gush of air. He groaned as he slid down the wall.

Pein glared, bringing his raised hand back down to his side. "Do not test me, Deidara. Everything I do is for a reason, we are very busy and I am not for wasting time. Now stand up, and get on the dance floor. _Now_.", Pein deadpanned. Everyone's attention was on Itachi again as he gracefully walked onto the flashing floor. It lit up in different colors and there was a disco ball hanging above.

The blonde grumbled curses under his breath, dragging himself onto the floor to face the damn Uchiha.

"It's okay Senpai!" Tobi cheered shaking his hips. "Show everyone whatcha got!" Everyone began snickering once again.

"Shut up, Tobi, un!" He was definitely killing that dumbass when he was done. Deidara hated this but it was okay. This was a challenge he was not going to lose. He sized the Uchiha up who was leveling him with a blank stare. Deidara smirked. No one knew it, but the artist actually had a secret talent for dancing. He would always take dancing classes back in his Iwagakure days during his leisure. He was always the envy of every other dancer in his class, always able to bust the ultimate groovy moves.

Despite his optimism, he knew this would be a peice of cake, especially facing this dull weasel. He'd surprise everyone.

"Alright," Deidara sighed, feigning reluctance. "Lets do this already."

"Come on, Itachi-san! Er- surely you've got some er-popping and um-locking within you!" Kisame struggled miserably to encourage the motionless Uchiha.

"Kisame." Sasori said. "Just sit down." Kisame sat down sheepishly.

"Very well then," Pein took his seat next to Konan as she began writing stuff down on the clipboard. "The rules are again, simple. You cannot have the same dance moves. The winner is whoever is cheered on the most. Take your places. This dance-off begins..." Pein pushed a button on the radio and music with a catchy beat began to blast out of the speakers. The room got dark, disco lights on Deidara and Itachi. "Now."

Instantly, Hidan sprung off the couch and began chanting and pumping his fist to the beat of the song. "Yeah! Dance, dance, dance, dance!" Tobi got up and joined in, dancing wildly.

Deidara grinned gleefully at the music. He loved this song. His eyes however narrowed suspiciously as Itachi's sharingan suddenly activated, piercing the darkness as it lit up the Weasel's face. He scoffed. Itachi should've already known he had trained himself against the sharingan. As if it would've worked on him. He ignored it as he began to bust his first move, but gasped in surprise as Itachi hit the Whip and the Nae-Nae. That was his move!

Itachi threw his fist forward then waved as he backed up to the beat of the song. He repeated those moves gracefully as his expression remained emotionless.

The Akatsuki cheered, save Kakuzu, Sasori, and Pein.

"Waaah! Hit that Nae-Nae, Itachi-san!" Deidara threw a glare at the masked man who couldn't see it through the darkness. That traitor.

No problem. The blonde shifted rhythmically as he quickly thought up his next move, when-

"Yeah, do that Cha-Cha, Itachi! Come on Dei-Chan, is that all you got? Dance, damn it!" Hidan yelled encouragingly.

"Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha! Itachi-san, you rule!"

Deidara gaped as he watched Itachi steal his move yet again. He couldn't do it now, or he'd be disqualified. How the heck was this Uchiha so perfect? Elite ninja, good hair, and good taste in dance moves?

"Deidara," Pein's voice sounded through the speaker as he spoke through the microphone. "Rocking back and forth barely counts as a dance move. Dance." He sat back down rinnegan burning into Deidara warningly.

Deidara thought again. Okay this time Itachi wasn't getting the spotlight-

"Hey, now Itachi's doing the running man! Hey!" Tobi cheered gleefully. The members cheered again. Deidara cursed, his move again. But no one knew-

" _Eeeeey,_ krump it up Itachi! Oh man, now you're even break dancing!" Deidara stared wide eyed as Itachi broke out in the same moves the blonde was seconds away from busting. He did them fluently from the jerk, back to the Nae-Nae then began pumping it too. Deidara was speechless.

"Hey, Itachi-san! You need to teach me how to dougie!" Kisame yelled as he tried futilely to do just that, but didn't come close to the flawless way Itachi was doing it.

"Kisame. Just sit down." Sasori's bored, brown eyes peered up at the shark man. Kisame sat down sheepishly.

Deidara continued to stare at Itachi and soon realized the weasel staring back at him. His red eyes fixated on the blonde's form. The artist gasped, realization finally hitting.

"Damn you, un!" The music abruptly stopped and the member's cheering died down as Pein cleared his throat with much authority.

"Itachi, Itachi, Itachi!"

"Itachi-san!"

"That's enough everyone. Quiet down." Pein stood up, as the lights were flicked back on and Deidara saw as the Uchiha's sharingan whizzed away. "I see we have a winner here, Deidara, as you have not made one move since this dance-off started." Pein gestured to some of the standing members who looked pumped for Itachi.

The blonde sputtered desperately as he struggled to get the words out, face turning red in anger. "It was - I tried- he didn't - Itachi cheated! He was using his damn sharingan to see what I was planning to do next, un!"

Itachi fixed Deidara with an innocent, expressionless stare. "I did no such thing-"

"Like hell you didn't!"

"That's enough, Deidara. Whether Itachi used his sharingan or not does not matter. That did not apply to the rules. Besides. The point of this challenge was to allow Itachi to face his weakness, and now, I think we can all say he has loosened up a bit."

"But, you s-"

" _I said_ enough." Pein gave him the look and the bomber's mouth was shut instantly, his face still red with rage. "I understand your protest, however, the rules are rules, and Itachi has evidently won the crowd." This was followed by whopping and cheering again. Deidara stared at everyone incredulously.

" _Those were my moves_! Itachi copied me, he-" Everyone seemed to be ignoring him as some members who actually cared about this whole thing cheered and Konan swooned a little at the Uchiha's moves.

"You lost this challenge, Deidara. Congratulations, Itachi, though I wouldn't normally except your strategy of success, you have passed your challenge, and will not be punished." Pein said turning to Itachi. Itachi nodded in return.

"And Deidara, since you lost, your salary has been reduced another 5% and you have bathroom chore duty for the following week." The blonde was about ready to rip his hair out.

Pein turned back to Itachi. "One more thing. Itachi, has this experience made you feel any less stoic?" Behind Pein's eyes was genuine curiosity. Itachi stood there, silent for a few seconds before he replied.

"I... Suppose, this has loosened me up a bit. But I do have other ways of getting things out of my system." With that the weasel turned back to the blonde.

"By the way," Itachi had his sharingan activated again staring at Deidara. "Were you implying that I'm such a horrid dancer, that I couldn't come up with my own dance moves?" Before the artist could respond he felt it getting very hot in the room, especially on his head. He screamed in horror as his hair was on fire. It was black fire.

The bomber ran around frantically in a blind panic, swearing to himself that once this was over, Pein would have to search for a new prodigy for the organization.

 **A/N: I totally respect Itachi, I just had to do this. The thought of this happening was just hilarious XD. So, review and tell me what you think?**


	4. Impassiveness

**Impassiveness**

"Pein-sama, we need to talk, un." Deidara didn't bother knocking as he barreled through the door of Pein's office. He had multiple bandages wrapped around his head, bald patches littered his scalp , and the smell of singed hair followed him everywhere. His head was too sore to wash. "I want out of these damn games, right now!"

Pein looked up slowly from his paper work to give the blonde a dangerous, glassy stare. "Deidara, first of all, use your hands to knock next time, before you have no hands at all. Secondly, this is a mission, and you are an S-class missing nin, need I remind you. You are doing this because it benefits your teammates improvement. That prioritizes your own complaints."

Deidra sighed irritably. "I understand that this is training for them, but I never agreed to be humiliated or almost scorched to a burnt crisp!" The artist didn't really see how this was succeeding in anything but the cruel amusement of the other members.

A barely audible sigh passed Pein's lips. Deidara pressed on "And why am I being punished each time I lose, hm? What am I, a grounded teenage girl? I want some type of justice here, hm!" Deidara held back the urge to stamp his foot like a little kid. Pein looked at him, not appreciating his tone.

"Now, I made Itachi put the fire out." Pein said. Deidara held his glare. After a few moments, Pein spoke again.

"Okay. I have a deal for you, Deidara. Now listen carefully. This is the only thing that will get you out of this mission, understand?" Deidara glanced at the leader suspiciously, finally nodding slowly.

"If you win today's challenge, and only if you win today's challenge, can you resign from this mission. I will let either Tobi, or Itachi take your place as the member's opponent." Pein stared at him awaiting his response. Deidara didn't see any other way out of this besides Pein's offer, so after a moment he nodded.

"Deal." He smiled a little. There was no way he was going to lose this challenge... Whatever it may be.

...

"Quite, everyone. Thank you. Okay..." Konan pulled out her clip board once again, everyone's eyes on her. Deidara with a determined gleam in his. This would be his last challenge.

"Today's challenge is... Deidara VS. Sasori!"

"Oooh, it's artist VS. artist!" Tobi cheered. Konan looked at Pein for conformation and he nodded.

"Sasori, you are very impassive; Pein and I agree, that is your weakness. While that quality may be propitious at times, there may come an instance in which you are forced to take on a seemingly emotional state. And, as far as I know, you have never even acted emotional, and that can become an issue in the future during missions."

Sasori gave Konan a blank stare. "Your point is?"

"You simply need to work on your acting skills. Therefore, to warm you up, your challenge is a sing-off against your partner Deidara."

Pein nodded. "This will hopefully get you used to the practice of manipulating your vocal cords in order to make them more flexible in different ranges during crucial circumstances." With that, Pein once again made hand signs and two microphones on mic stands appeared on the bare stage.

"This is ridiculous." Sasori said, almost rolling his eyes. "As if I need to do some petty singing in order to be convincing during missions." Deidara stared at his Dana. Once again, perhaps this wasn't the best strategy, but what the heck. He couldn't remember the last time, if at all, when Sasori showed any expression in situation besides boredom or annoyance.. Though he was deadly, most of the time he felt as if he had a lifeless doll for a partner.

"No problem, Sasori-san," Tobi chirped as he hopped onto the stage grasping a mic. "I have a talent for singing, I'll pass your challenge for you if you want!" Tobi began to cough out an awful tune that sounded all too similar to a dying horse being simultaneously stabbed and drowned. Everyone flinched and covered their ears.

"Dear lord Jashin! Save me from this blasphemy this instant!" Hidan cried clawing at his ears savagely.

"No, Tobi I've got it..." Sasori clicked his joints and stood up eager to make the masked man shut up.

Tobi stumbled off the stage, blubbering. "Alright. There aren't many rules. Konan and I will determine the best singer and that will be the winner. Whoever loses will once again, be punished as usual."

Deidara felt he had it in the bag. Who could lose against an emotionless puppet anyway? "Danna, get ready to take my place in toilet clean up duty... un." He smirked as he grabbed a mic. Sasori didn't seem as reluctant as he thought he'd be. He observed as he grabbed the other stand and glances at him with half lidded brown eyes.

"Whatever, brat."

"Now who will start?" Konan asked.

"I'll go, un." _Let me show Danna what he's up against_. After all Deidara wasn't the worst singer in the world. He never bragged on about it like his art, but when it came to it he wasn't exactly shy about it either. "Pein-sama, play 'The Bomber On The Bank.'" He said with a cocky smirk. His voice was born for that song.

Pein readied himself with the music player, finding the song on the play track he recently bought. "Found it. This challenge starts... now." He slammed the button and out came a hard and poppy song as it began, the blonde swung the mic stand and gripped the mic as the first words were approaching.

" _Last_ _night... I saw you. You were in the bank... I didn't know that you were a bomber…_ " Deidara swayed to the beat of the song as everyone was quite, listening.

 _"I took your arm as we jumped along the river bed, I couldn't, no I couldn't baaaabyyyy... Getcha outta my head, oh no..._ " Deidara glanced at Sasori and winked at him. The redhead stared back at him looking bored and unimpressed as usual. The song went on and the blonde continued in the best voice he could muster up. The members weren't screaming and wincing in distaste like with Tobi, everyone just stared. Finally the song was finished and Deidara looked up at the celling with content. _'Heh, I think that was the best I've ever sang, un.'_

After a few seconds everyone clapped except for Pein and Sasori of course. Deidara bowed and stood, waiting for Sasori's turn.

"Well done, Deidara. That wasn't bad." Konan nodded in approval looking slightly impressed.

"Lets see if you can top that, Danna, hm." Sasori rolled his eyes at his grinning partner.

"I'll do what I do, brat. Leader, play 'Lead Me To The Doll House.'" He said dryly.

"...Start." The leader said as the music began. Sasori gripped the microphone. Slowly bringing it to his wooden lips as a soft country like song began to play. He looked as if he were about to collapse from boredom. Which is why Deidara almost had a heart attack from what left the puppet master's mouth.

 _"Oooh aaaaah ha haaaa LAAAAAAH_..." Sasori belted out as he began. His smooth soft voice rose tremendously as he spat out beautiful sounds. _"La la, ohh... When I was in the shack talkin' out back, I didn't realize you'd be in my mind in the doll house..._ " Deidara was about to gape, but he held it back. He was NOT about to give the redhead the satisfaction. There was no way he was the better singer. Sasori's usually emotional face was scrunched in a concentrated, soulful expression. Everyone else's mouths were agape, even Itachi and Pein looked a little surprised. Never in a million years did Deidara think Sasori could sing that good.

Sasori paid everyone no mind as he got into a heated part of the song. _Oh yeah, take me to the doll house, take me to the doll house, women. Show me all the dolls you got and tell me, cause my heart is broken.._." Sasori threw his head back, red mop of hair flying back in his movement. Deidara heard a dreamy sigh, and to his horror, he saw Konan looking at Sasori with very interested eyes. A look of fire seized his icy ones. He'd be sentenced to an eternity of torturous punishment and chores if he lost this. No way. He gripped his mic again. Although he'd say this song lacked in artistic taste, he knew it too!

Sasori continued to let loose his beautiful smooth voice. " _Oh women, show me your nice green eyes, and your sweet face i- "_

 _"My disguise, un! And when I hold you in my arms-"_

 _"Don't be alarmed, no don't be alarmed..."_ Sasori gave the blonde an annoyed look as he fought to take back over his song. The blonde glared back, determined.

 _"Oh baby don't you see me cry when-"_

 _"I see the sky the sky, I see the sky-"_

 _"So don't touch me inside the house ca-"_

 _"Cause I see you inside my mind, cause you're voice is-"_

 _"MY DISGUISE, UN!"_ Deidara screeched trying to overpower Sasori's angelic voice, finally snapping. Sasori gave him one of the most murderous glares a puppet could give.

"Enough of this.", Pein said, voice dangerously icy.

"Deidara. You had no right to interrupt Sasori's turn." Konan glared lightly looking a bit too disappointed that Sasori was no longer singing.

"Yeah, dumbass, I was enjoying that, dammit!" Hidan said irritably. The room became loud with complaints

"Hey, un! No one got that worked up about my singing, I demand a redo!" The blonde yelled indignantly.

"I think it's clear who the true winner is, Deidara." Pein announced. He looked at the irritated redhead. "You have flawlessly proven to us all that you are capable of manipulating your voice in certain situations. You are the winner of this challenge and will not be punished."

Sasori sighed. "You're forgetting, I'm a puppet, not a robot. Just because i haven't shown my emotions doesn't mean I've lost them. It was always the physical things I couldn't feel. It was never the emotional things." He said austerely as if those statements were the most obvious in the world.

"...Ahh..." Tobi said, breaking the silence.

"Deidara, You have lost this challenge. Your salary has gone down 10% and you are expected to fulfill cooking responsibilities for the next month."

"Screw this all, un!" The blonde seethed, face red, on the verge of having an aneurysm. He spun around on Kakuzu who was sitting on the couch with a sparkle in his eye. "What the hell are you happy about, old man?!" Deidara growled.

Kakuzu's eyes quickly narrowed into a defensive glare. "You need to calm down Deidara. Its not my fault you continue to fail." Kakuzu rejoiced inwardly. More money stored into the Akatsuki's savings. The blonde sneered at him.

"We made a deal. You must accept the results." Pein finished placidly.

A/N: If you liked this chapter, please review and tell me what you think :)


	5. Attentiveness

**Attentiveness**

"Stupid Pein, unreasonable... Causing me all this...freaking stress...un! I'll show them what's funny with my greatest explosion, shove it right up _all_ their-!" Deidara, once again shoved the plunger deep into the toilet hole with murderous force for the billionth time that evening. Water splashing every where, all over the tiled floor of the Akatsuki bathroom, further wetting his chore clothes, much to his disgust. After a few more plunges, he threw it against a grimy wall. It barely did anything to cool his anger. He kicked the nearby trash can in the corner with all he had and immediately regretted it once the loaded bin spewed trash all over the freshly waxed tiles. Holding back his string of cures, the blonde bent down to pick up the crumbled candy wrappers and kabaob sticks, crying out as he tripped over a soda can, nearly landing flat on his face.

Not bothering to pick himself up, he lay on his back, trundling in his self pity as his hair soaked through with toilet water. He'd never felt so helpless in his life. Why did the leader hate him so much? He never once complained about his assignments, never had one bad thing to say about any of his missions up until now of course. Always did what he was ordered. But no. None of that mattered. He was doing good for his teammates. The ones that sat and laughed in his face as he was constantly put through defeat and embarrassment, and there was nothing he could do. Letting his head roll to the side in despair, Deidara stared at the trash before him, blue orbs suddenly lighting up.  
...

"Oh, Deidara-san? Where are you? It's time for- _**WHAT THE HELL?!"** _ Black Zetsu cut in with horror lacing his voice. Deidara was too busy to notice his new company emerging from the still littered tiles as he was entertaining himself with his new toys.

"Take that, you damn Pein- _sama_ , hm! Oh, what's that Tobi? You're hungry?" Deidara's voice took on a nurturing tone. "Well here's some detonating clay for you, you idiot, yeah!"

 ** _"Deidara!"_** Zetsu yelled. The bomber spun around, dropping a lollipop with white clay stuck in the midst of it's swirls, leg lifted in mid air, ready to bring it down on an orange soda can, that most likely was supposed to be Pein.

"W-what do you want, Zetsu, hm?" Deidara stuttered indignantly. He dusted himself off, matted hair sticking up a bit, trying to appear annoyed. He had to find some way to vent!

"Um... It's time, you know..." Zetsu's white side said cautiously, inwardly deciding that the mission's finally gotten to the artist's sanity.

...

"Glad you finally made it Deidara, but you're late." Pein spoke as he watched Deidara enter the room from the bare stage where he stood, a disturbed looking Zetsu trailing right behind him. The bomber plopped himself onto the leather couch next to Kisame.

"Sorry, Leader. I had to take care of some personal business real quick, hm," Deidara grumbled as politely as he could while his insides were currently burning with malice for the ginger-haired man. He was no longer wearing his chore clothes and he'd combed his knotted, damp hair into one big pony tail that he'd have to deal with later.

 _'Yeah, sorry sir. Just wanted to look somewhat presentable before I get my butt whopped by some miracle once again, un...'_

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he shut it down right there. Realization hit him and Deidara's eyes began to burn with renewed confidence and he berated himself for almost giving up just seconds ago. He didn't know why exactly he kept losing every challenge, but he did know exactly what Pein was trying to do. He was testing his endurance. Pein wanted to know how much more of this Deidara could really take. He was waiting for him to break. Deidara didn't have all the pieces to the puzzle just yet, like, why Pein was pushing him to his limits, of all people, but one thing was for sure. He wasn't about to let the leader get any more satisfaction.

Pein seemed to eye him suspiciously for a moment before looking away. "No matter. While we're all here we might as well get started on our next challenge. Although all the challenges thus far have been different in their own way, Konan and I have come up with a clever one today. Konan." Pein turned to his blue-haired companion who looked a bit interested to call the challengers... Or rather, challenger of Deidara.

The angelic women politely cleared her throat. "Before I start, I just want to thank all of you for your cooperation for this whole week so far. I'd also like to remind you guys that there are only three more challengers left. I'd like to say, I've been watching you all-"

"Yeah, okay, could we just get on with this already, un?" Deidara tried to hold back the irritation in his voice. Just because he was determined again to show Pein how strong he was, didn't mean he was for dragging this thing out all day. He almost regretted the outburst, and was forced to flash a fake smile as Pein slowly turned to give him the creepiest look.

"Hah, I mean, go on Konan, yeah."

"Alright. Challengers today: Deidara VS. Hidan."

"Tch- about damn time it's my turn! I thought I was never gonna get to go, seriously." Deidara looked over at Hidan who was sitting on a black swivel chair in the corner of the room, feet propped up on the tiny coffee table. Deidara held back a groan. He should've known this was coming. It was only a matter of time before the loud mouth's turn. But for some reason, that matter of time came all too soon. Although he didn't mind hanging out with the silver-headed man at times, the jashinist never let an opportunity pass when it came to teasing him about something or trying to get him to convert to Jashinism. Most of the time he was almost just as annoying as Tobi.

After Kakuzu nearly chopped his legs off where they lay on the table, lecturing him again on how expensive it was, Hidan stood up walking closer to the stage. "So, what's my challenge gonna be, eh? And don't even start with that weakness crap, cause I'm freakin' invincible! I'm just doing this for fun, really-GAH! Kakauzu, what the heck!" Hidan yelled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Like hell, you're invincible. Listen to Pein-sama talk before I chop you into a thousand pieces." Kakuzu's strange eyes lit up threateningly.

"Nonsense. Everyone has a weakness, Hidan, and you will participate because you are no exception. I was just getting to your weakness so listen carefully. Though you do tremendous amounts for this organization, you are simply more obnoxious and loud than I would prefer. That is a problem because you are not the best when it comes to paying attention."

"And what's that supposed to mean? You calling me a topsy-turvy dumbass or somethin'? I do pay attention-,"

"Do you?" Kakuzu interrupted. "I have a hard time believing that considering you're a complete blockhead during our missions. Always wanting to do things your way and never listening to my strategies when they're the one thing that wont get you killed." Kakuzu's anger seemed to be mounting as he remembered how much near heart attacks his partner put him through because of his stupidity. "Not to mention how you almost always destroy my bounties that had over _billions of dollars_ on their heads..."

"Oh what the hell ever, Kakuzu! What part of immortal don't you understand? And believe it or not, I do what I need to do to get our freakinn' missions done! And you don't even realize it because of your obsessive love of money. I do you a favor destroying those corpses," he waved him off, leaving Kakuzu near seething. "You're already goin' to hell, might as well earn a bit of mercy from Jashin, you blasphemes-!"

"Enough of this. Hidan, Kakuzu, I am not interested in hearing your quarrels. Moving on." Pein gave Hidan his constant serious look. "Kakuzu is somewhat right, Hidan. You lack in attentiveness, and I don't want to hear it. Therefore, you and Deidara will face off in a trivia match. We will determine just how closely you really claim to pay attention."

Hidan scoffed, crossing his arms. "Trivia? What is this, a jashin-damned elementary school fundraiser? You must be jok- I can freakin' listen when I want to, I'm not a Jashin-damned idiot, ya know," He cast Deidara a side glance from where he stood, a smirk growing on his lips. "But beating little Deidara-chan over there is worth these stupid challenges. It should be easy too. Even getting his ass handed over to him by Tobi of all people and what not."

"What was that, you bastard, un?!" Deidara growled, shooting up from the couch, fists shaking at his sides. "I wouldn't talk. For someone who gets their head chopped off daily, you sure do have a big mouth, un! Better watch it before I blow it off!" That was it. There was no way he was going to let this cocky psychopath beat him. Besides, if he had anything else he knew he had his brains going for him. He was always attentive and known for his quick mind and calculations on the battle field.

Konan spoke before Hidan could yell his retort. "The answers to these trivia questions are ones you all should already be familiar with. These pieces of info were required of you before you were able to join this organization, so the questions should jog your memory. If you wish to win, you must be able to remember these things that you were told from the very beginning."

Suddenly, the memory of taking a twenty question paper test before he became a full fledged member crossed the artist's mind. Though he wasn't too excited about the supposedly, 'very important' questions back then that he really believed were absolutely pointless, he was a little glad they would possibly help him out now. He didn't particularly remember what all the questions were about because he'd taken the test years ago. But, he was sure everything would come back to the surface once this whole challenge started.

Without another word, Konan did a few hand signs, and a a long, decorative table appeared on stage. A sparkly, black chair occupied either end of the table which also held two shiny, silver, dinging bells, one for each person. "Get up on stage and prepare for the challenge." Konan spoke as every other member's murmurs of interest filled the room.

"Alright. I'm ready, un." Deidara took a deep breath, letting the air out slowly, as he stood from the couch once again, but was surprised to feel a cool hand encircle his wrist. He looked down to see a slightly smiling Kisame.

"Hey, kid. Don't be down in the dumps. I know this hasn't been your best week, but if you focus, I know you'll win this time." Kisame gave him a reassuring nod, and for once, Deidara actually appreciated someone within the organization. The blonde cast him a little smirk before walking over to the table on the stage, taking a seat in the black sparkly chair. The table had a template with his name on it, decorated in dazzling blue and white colors. It hung off the side of the table for the rest of the members to see. Hidan had a template similar to his, with his name printed in eye-catching purples and blacks.

"Okay. Positions, everyone," Konan spoke, handing Pein a piece of paper before taking her seat.

"Ya know, it's a shame, really. Jashin's a bit offended that his servant is doing something as simple as trivia for a challenge. Ridiculous," Hidan complained nonchalantly as he took a seat in a chair identical to the bomber's. He crossed his legs with his arms folded behind his head like be had no care in the world, narrowing his eyes at the glowering artist. "But whatever. As long as I win."

Pein stepped up onto the stage and went over to the respective podium sitting on the side so Hidan and Deidara could be seen. "I will be the one asking the questions. The rules. You must not ring the bell until I have gotten the complete question out. Konan will be the ref, meaning she will call who rang the bell first. If you get a question wrong, the point goes to your opponent. Of course, the winner is the one with  
twenty points first, and whoever loses will pay the penalty, understood?" They both nodded.

"Good," Konan said, switching off the lights. The whole room immediately got dark, the the only lights were on the two members facing each other on the stage. Soft trivia music played in the background "This challenge starts... Now."

"Okay," Pein held a small stack of trivia cards in his hands, bringing the mic closer to his lips. "Question number one: what was the name of Kisame's first gold fish?"

Deidara's brain woke up suddenly. That was what the questions were about. Now he remembered... but he didn't remember the answer to that question. What surprised him even more however, was seeing Hidan slam his hand down onto his bell.

"Easy. It was ringadingin' Kisa-Junior! What a joke, seriously." Hidan said smoothly as strobe lights flashed on him in response to his answer.

"That's correct." Konan said with absolutely no zeal in her voice.

"That's two points for Hidan." As Pein spoke, the number two popped up on his score board.

"I always loved that little fellow..." Kisame whispered to himself, looking above with a nostalgic look in his wetted eyes.

"Question number two: when is Itachi's birthday?"

 _DING DING!_

"Hidan." Konan called.

"What kinda question is that? The weasel was born on June 9th." He threw his arms behind his head. The strobe lights hit him again.

"Correct. That's two more points for Hidan."

"I'm flattered." Itachi spoke tonelessly from the wall he leaned against. He was obviously at least a bit impressed as well as some of the other members who were surprised Hidan had remembered something as detailed as that.

"Is that all the damn questions you've got? I can do this thing half asleep!" Deidara threw him a shocked glance before it was replaced by a scoff. Tch- as if he would take the time to remember the stupid _Uchiha's_ birthday of all things. That was only reason Hidan got that question. Even so, It looked like Hidan was actually taking this whole thing seriously. It was about time he really got down to business himself then.

Pein brought the note cards closer to his face. "This is a bonus question, which means extra points if answered correctly so listen closely. Question number three: what is Tobi's favorite color?"

The artist slapped his hand down on the silver bell. "Deidara." Konan's eyes shifted to the blonde.

"Baby pink, un!" He blurted. He was rewarded with the blinding strobe lights.

"Senpai, you know me so weeellllll!" Tobi cried, sounding very touched. He looked like he was about ready to dive on stage and glomp his senpai but was stopped by Deidara's warning death glare.

"That's five points for Deidara." The bright number appeared on the blonde's score board. "Now it's Hidan with four and Deidara with five in the lead." Konan said with a voice that sounded anything but an excited announcer's.

"Take that Hidan, hm," The bomber smirked triumphantly at Hidan who rolled his eyes at him. If there was anything Deidara knew in this pool of questions, it was going to be Tobi's favorite color. After all the hours they'd spent together on missions, the masked man had made sure that piece of important info was crammed into the artist's head. As well as his favorite food, his favorite book and his favorite song.

"Big deal, Dei- _chan,"_ Hidan sneered. "One lucky guess from a pooper scoopin' question like that ain't gonna get you anywhere. Don't get ahead of yourself." He fiddled with his rosary.

Whatever. Deidara knew Hidan was just getting nervous. At this point he was already in the lead, and he was planning on staying there. Only fifteen more points to go.

"This question is an even bigger bonus. Question number four: how old was Sasori when he made the switch to his puppet body?" Before Deidara could think, he slammed his hand down on the bell so hard it ached. He ignored it, feeling more confident than ever before.

"It's simple! He was seventeen, un-AGH!" Deidara yelled, but only to nearly collapse to the floor, covering his ears as the overwhelming sound of a screeching-like siren filled them. Red flashed over his form.

"Incorrect." Sasori deadpanned, shaking his head. "What a shame, brat. I thought you of all people would know."

"Sasori was actually eighteen years old when he made the switch, Deidara." Konan corrected.

"That's ten points deducted from Deidara, two points for Hidan," Pein announced. "Unfor-"

 _"Whaaat?!"_ Deidara's eyes nearly bulged from their sockets as he watched his beautiful five points evaporate from his score board to negative five. "How the heaves is that fair, un! I got one question wrong! One QUESTION!"

"Deidara. Sasori is your partner. Incorrect answers concerning your closest teammate leads to bonus deduction."

"Heh! Suck on that, Deidara! Rules are rules!" Hidan ignored Deidara's murderous expression, sticking his tongue out at him. "Lord Jashin never leaves my side! I bet the flavor's pretty tasty, huh?"

"Enough, Hidan," The jashinist reluctantly sat back down, a teasing expression still plastered on his face. "Now, this is an ultra bonus question, and the hardest by far. I would advise you not to get this one wrong... Or else," The leader cleared his throat before continuing. "Question number five... what is my favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Huh?!" Deidara yelled incredulously.

 _D-D-D-! DING DING! BRING-DING! Brrrrrrr-DING! DI-BRING! DII-!_

"Okay, Hidan!" Konan nearly shouted, sounding annoyed at how much the silver haired man was smacking the bell as if his life depend on it.

Hidan looked as if he were on the verge of bursting from holding the answer in. "You gotta be fu- it's raspberry chocolate mint with a _touch_ of strawberry shortcake!"

Suddenly a fake guy's voice was blasting throughout the whole room " **WINNER! WINNER**!" Strobe lights flashing on the whooping Hidan who was jumping around and smacking his butt mockingly in Deidara's direction, only adding to the artist's fury.

"That's sixteen points for Hidan," Pein announced. "Final score; twenty-two to negative five."

"How the hee-?!"

"He answered the ultra bonus question, Deidara. Do **not** start with me." Pein said, nearly pulverizing the blonde with his icy look. Deidara went silent.

"Hidan, you have proven to me that you do in fact, listen and have the full capability to do so. Besides, you correctly answered the ultra bonus question, making you the victor of tonight's challenge." Pein fixed the jashinist with a rather haunting look. "Now, I would like to see that amount of attentiveness you displayed tonight at all times for now on. And for future references, It'd be nice to to start getting better reports from Kakuzu concerning your behavior. If that weren't to happen, I'm afraid that would be a major problem. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah," Hidan spun to face the rest of the rather surprised members. "What'd I tell you before, huh? I was never an idiot!" He turned to Kakuzu who was staring at him. "The hell did I tell you, ya old stinkin' fart? In your face, dangit! Hidan yelled puffing out his chest and flashing a victorious, cocky grin.

"I saw everything, Hidan. And now that I know you're not a complete moron, I'll make sure he isn't a further problem on our missions, leader." Kakuzu spoke, ignoring Hidan's dirty look, giving him two bone breaking smacks on the back.

"Well Hidan, I've changed things up a bit today. Since you are tonight's winner," Pein gave the apprehensive Deidara a strangely evil look. "You get to chose the loser's penalty."

Hidan eyed Deidara, lips slowly curling into the most impish grin known to man. "Well, Leader, I have the perfect suggestion. Blondie will absolutely love it. I-"

"Don't. You. Dare." Deidara said, twitching dangerously, voice nothing but a horrifying whisper.

Hidan didn't listen.

Deidara finally lost it.

And just for a second, in the heat of that moment, hearing Hidan's agonized screams and curses as he was blown into a thousand bloody chunks along with pieces of rock and brick, and seeing the other member's panicked fleeing as the base crumbled right before his eyes was almost totally worth Pein's wrath. Almost.

...

 **A/N: Oh no... What will happen next? Has Deidara died by the hands of Pein? Will Hidan be back for revenge? (Once,**

* * *

 **and if he's sewed back together that is) find out in the next chapter! If you dare...**

 **Thanks for reading! It warms my heart to see anyone who enjoys this story :D**


	6. Insecurity part 1

**Insecurity part 1**

"Deidara, I swear to lord Jashin! Oi- Just how the hell do you think you're handlin' me?!-"

"How about you shut your mouth and listen to me, hm! Why-"

"Oh no, no, _you_ listen to _me_ Dei-Chan, I am not in the freakin' mood, and-so help me-! Hey, hey, I'm slipping, I'm slipping!"

"Shut up Hidan, un-"

"If you give me a freakin' concussion from droppin' me, just watch, I'm gonna sacrifice your heathen ass to Jashin-sama in the most _excruciating_ way known to man! Sacrifice you completely dry, I'll do it! Ya hear me?!" a certain Jashinist yelled. "And for freak's sake, you could at least make your grip a little _tighter_ dammit!"

"Oh you want it tighter, un?! Oh, I'll make it tighter!" Deidara growled, fed with Hidan's complaining as he decided to 'try out' a different way to hold on to him, making his grip so tight around his new 'handle' that his knuckles turned white.

"AH- not that tight, SCREW YOU! WATCH THE HAIR, WATCH THE HAAAIIIR!" Hidan screeched with all he had, which... wasn't much.

In Deidara's possession was Hidan's head alone. It swung back and forth as Deidara held onto the Jashinist's silver locks like a purse strap, much to Hidan's disapproval. Ever since yesterday, after a rather...disturbing judgment courtesy of a certain god-leader, Deidara had been "assigned" by Pein to collect every piece of dismembered Hidan he could find scattered within the area. Fortunately for him, Zetsu had been able to detect a tremendous amount of the scattered body parts, and the artist had finally found the last piece of missing Hidan deep within the forest about five miles away from their base. Or rather, where their base used to be. Now Deidara's side mission was near complete, and they were on their way back to the others. Even so, Deidara wasn't too eager to return. When there he knew the challenges would in fact, continue.

...

"It's about time you returned, Brat." Deidara looked up from the tangle of undergrowth threatening to trip him as he emerged from the thicker part of the forest. He was now surrounded by the small makeshift camp the members had made their temporary home. Pein had adjusted the area into a small clearing for them all the previous night for obvious reasons. The clay artist was a little relived to see that things were still pretty much in tact. Though... something was a bit different. Deidara didn't exactly remember leaving their little camp earlier that morning with a whole bunch of... women scattered everywhere.

Yes. They were everywhere.

Deidara let his eyes skim the camp, his orbs widening even more, if possible. There were several of them. More than twenty to be exact. Deidara wondered if he'd finally lost it past the point of no return.

Sasori didn't seem to take notice or interest in Deidara's shock. As he approached, Deidara still paid him no mind, instead staring just behind the puppeteer. He watched the rest of the members speechlessly as they moved about the clearing. A ways away, Kisame sat on the ground, enjoying some leftover cooked rabbit from the previous night, a young lady with red lipstick and dark red hair sat an inch away from him, talking with him quietly. Itachi stood by a small pond, just finishing his wash up. He was shirtless, drying his sleek hair with a raggedy towel that a short-haired brunette had just given him. He didn't seem to notice her admirable expression as he shook out his hair, she giggled as some of the droplets hit her skin. Konan stood not too far, busy collecting more fire wood to begin preparing the lunch, another tall and slender lady with a pink sun dress innocently helping her out.

"Earth to brat," Sasori waved his arm in the artist's face, snapping him from his observations. "Would you like to explain what took you so long?," he spoke in an annoyed tone.

"I... I uuuhh...," Deidara trailed off, his eyes falling back on Sasori, jaw practically dropping when he noticed that they had some company. Hooked onto Sasori's left arm was a girl about Deidara's age. She had light purple hair and tanned Skin. She wore a white sun dress as well. She was in Lala land, all her fascination seemed to be fixated on the puppet master as she stroked his wooden arm, ogling his features with wide dark eyes. She said nothing and Sasori did nothing to remove her. Deidara shook his head. "Danna, maybe you'd like to explain to _me_ what the hecks goin' on, yeah?"

Sasori ignored the question."You know how much of a nuisance it is to keep others waiting. Leader isn't exactly the happiest camper either, you brat. Literally. and because of that he's got us all on edge- and quit that, you woman!" Sasori growled, grabbing the girl's hand that ventured a bit too far, now playing with his red hair. The girl stepped back from Sasori, pouting.

"Awww! But why can't I play with your beautiful hair, Sasori-kun? It could use a bit of fixing if you ask me..." she mumbled, her bottom lip wobbling. Sasori sighed, he cast the girl a meaningful look.

"Look… In just a minute Loki. Meet me behind our tree in _five minutes."_ Sasori rose his eyebrows. Loki squealed in delight, nodding excitedly as she ran over to their private meeting tree.

When Loki was gone, Sasori sighed again, grumbling something about obsessive and clingy women. He looked at Deidara before pausing to glance over his shoulder, almost as if he were paranoid before he leaned in closer to him, voice lowering to an urgent whisper. "Now, listen, and listen closely brat. I _really_ came over here to warn you. You can see that Pein is losing his hinges just by looking at our new 'company'. I don't know what the hell he's planning for the challenge today, but there's only a matter of time before he blows."

Sasori paused. Another quick glance back. He spoke faster. "No one but Pein knows where these women came from or what he did to make them so interested in sticking around. Any normal human being would be running for their lives if they were even five miles away from us. If you want to live, treat the girls nicely. We have no idea what they're really capable of. Just know that these petty challenges will be over the quicker you cooperate. If you don't we're all going to die," Sasori looked down at the head in Deidara's bloody hands. "Or we'll end up like this imbecile… which is simply unacceptable."

"Oi, oi! I can still freakin' hear you ya puppet suckin' Pinocchio brain! Still down here bleeding profusely, Jashin dammit!" Hidan bellowed below. Sasori ignored the stream of profanities hurled his way. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Kakuzu's over there. He's been waiting for you," the redhead said, pointing over to Kakuzu who was on a bloodied blanket surrounded by the rest of Hidan's body parts.

When Deidara made his way across their camp to meet Kakuzu, that's when he felt an all too familiar tingling rush up and down his spine . Mid-stride, the blonde slowly turned to cast a glance behind him, nearly jumping out of his skin to see a certain ginger-haired man eyeing him eerily from across the clearing. His face was completely serene as usual, making it all the more creepy. He sat on a log more than ninety feet away. But even from that distance, the soul-piercing effect of his ringed eyes was not dulled in the slightest. It seemed the murderous aura gained from yesterday's 'explosive' events still hadn't left him, and Deidara wasn't the only one who could sense it. Every member seemed to be keeping their distance as they went on about their business.

Pein's eyes did not leave Deidara's as he stood from his log. His deep voice spoke calmly from where he stood. "Now that Deidara has returned, our next challenge shall start in just a while."

...….

Everyone sat on mossy logs gathered in the center of the clearing. Pein stood in front of everyone. Every eye on him, every ear listening to his speech. Well, at least trying to listen. "…And so, that is why we will be continuing these challenges today. They must, and will go on, am I clear. No amount of outrage, explo-"

"AGH! Watch it Kakuzu!"

Pein paused for a moment, staring ahead, expression unchanged. After a moment he started up again. "...Yes, and so that is why I declare that our challenges will indee-"

"GAAH! JASHIN FREAKIN' SON OF A-!"

" _Hidan_ ," Kakuzu said through gritted teeth as Pein halted once again. The two were in the very back of the bundle, Kakuzu still stitching his partner up for, most likely, the fiftieth time in his life. Everyone cringed at Hidan's earsplitting outcries. "Stop being a baby."

"Eh?!" Hidan screeched incredulously. "How the freak would you like getting your leg reattached to your hipbone and feeling every little nerve, you old blasphemous ugly stinkin' bastard!"

Pein cleared his throat. "Kakuzu, perhaps it would be best if you would remove Hidan and yourself from this meeting until you have completed your task." With that Kakuzu stomped off deeper into the forests, carrying a mangled Hidan along with him. Deidara couldn't help but smirk.

Silence ensued for a few seconds longer, until-

"Anyways, Eh, pardon me leader," a familiar blue shark man spoke up from the cluster a bit hesitantly. "but isn't this a bit... arbitrary?" Kisame said quietly, a look of deep dread on his blue features. Deidara knew Pein was more than furious with him for the destruction of their headquarters, but today, he was positively certain this challenge was made especially for his payback.

"Kisame, don't say such nonsense. Once again, you know everything I do is absolutely necessary." Pein looked at him indifferently from where he stood in front of everyone. The women hadn't left, and they flanked Pein professionally on either side, Konan the first female on his left. All the members remained quiet, very few of them were eager to get the scoop on the day's second to last challenge.

"B-but I would _hardly_ call a-" Pein held up a hand to silence the flustered blue man. Kisame opened and shut his mouth repeatedly as if he were restraining his tounge out of respect.

"I'd advise you to quit your objections, Kisame. Your weakness has brought this upon itself." Pein glanced at his partner. "Allow Konan to explain."

"Now, listen Kisame," Konan said, holding her trusty challenge clipboard. "Your challenge today calls for the most extreme measures because it is one of the worst weaknesses to have. Konan ignored Kisame's look. "that weakness is insecurity."

"Which is where I'd have to disagree.," Kisame said incredulously. "Just where did you pick up I had insecurities? I have no-"

"Kisame. Please do not interrupt me. I catch you almost every night in the bathroom mirror of the base, staring at your reflection with uncertainty." Konan paused as Kisame closed his mouth again, blushing guiltily. Deidara stared at his gilled friend. Kisame was the last one he'd expect to have doubts about himself.

"Alright, you got me." Kisame said suddenly harshly, throwing his arms into the air. "How could you be the most confident in the world when you've got blue skin and gills like a shark?" He sighed, looking down at the dirt. "Pointy teeth... blue hair. I look nothing but a clown." All the young women gasped simultaneously. Deidara nearly rolled his eyes when he saw them all trying to hold back tears for Kisame.

"We are all here for you Kisame." Konan said in an almost sympathetic tone. "Insecurity is a terrible thing to have as a ninja, as it can be a fatal distraction if you aren't sure about yourself in any regard during missions."

By the look Konan cast Pein, Deidara already knew this challenge would be the death of him.

Pein nodded somberly. "And that is why your challenge will be competing against Deidara in our first ever male beauty pageant." He said for the second time that day. Hearing it again didn't make it sound any more appealing to the two contestants in any sense of the word.

"As you can now guess, these young women aren't just here to meander our campsite all day." Kisame eyed them wearily as each one of them smiled, waved, or winked at him. "They will aid us in today's challenge mightily. Each one of them is a certified, S-rank beauty pageant judge, and they have all agreed to help us out today. Understood?"

The shark Shinobi twitched.

….

 **A/N: Sorry for the slow update, next chapter won't come so late!**

 **So everybody should stay tuned, cause part 2 is coming soon~**

 **Review? :D**


	7. Insecurity part 2

**A/N: Hi everyone :D this is the longest chapter I've written so far (As well as the most challenging). Some people like long chapters, some don't but I tried not to make it too tooo long, and here it is. Hope you guys enjoy it!**  
 **...**

 **Insecurity part 2**

"Senpai. Senpai!" There was knocking. Deidara paid it no mind. He was too busy staring at the reflection staring back at him. He wasn't doing this. He just wasn't.

"Deidara-Senpai, I know you're in there!" More banging on the door.

No. He had to go out there. He knew he had to. _Come on Deidara, you've got this in the bag. It's all you...hm._

"Everyone's waiting for you! Pein-sama is waiting for you."

No. He wasn't doing this. Just wasn't going to happen. Let Pein kill him. He was done with wearing the name tag of the Akatsuki Joke. No amount of anything was going to stop him from changing his mind.

"Go away Tobi, hm."

"Are you ready yet?" Tobi ignored him. A few more bangs on the door of the small dressing room Deidara stood in, refusing to take his eyes from the brightly glowing mirror he stared into. There was a sigh that sounded through the door, Tobi tried the handle and before the blonde could blink an eye, he heard an: "Oh... Why didn't I do that before?" before the door swung open and two hands were grasping his shoulders, whirling him around to face the masked man. Tobi practically squealed with delight.

"Oh my.. Oh my gosh!" He gushed sounding as if he were holding back tears. He looked over his Senpai who was clad in his first outfit for the pageant. A simple yet elegant suit that was so white, it glowed like fresh snow. He also wore a blue tie that was topped with sparkling silver ninja emeralds that were near blinding; an accessory provided by the pageant women. Not exactly the blonde's taste. He wore fancy black dress shoes, and his hair was especially combed to perfection. He wore no hitai-ate, giving him an even more sophisticated look. "S-Senpai... You... Well I mean you look so..."

Deidara smacked his hands away glaring. "If you even try saying it, I pro-"

" _Gorgeous!_ " Tobi took a few moments to do a quick trendy pose that would've made Itachi go blind before yanking Deidara from his "dressing room" nearly smacking his face into the door frame as Tobi dragged him out.

There was an enormous stage that sat in the middle of their clearing. It was rather glamorous with the whole thing a waxed and glimmering red. A silver mic stand downstage center. There were thick black curtains flanking either side of the pageant stage as well along with two life-sized stereos. Beyond the stage were about forty chairs in rows, all set for an interested audience. Most of the members were already sitting there in the front rows with some of the women. There were bouquets littered all over the grassy plain, Akatsuki decorations everywhere. Everyone had been helping out to get things set up.

"Our seats are right over here, Senpai, it's time to start.", Tobi said as he pulled him over to the already packed audience seats, everyone staring at them. "You're not supposed to go up there yet, but I'm so excited!"

"You idiot, I know how to get to a chair!" Deidara growled, plopping himself into one of the very back seats. Most of the audience's eyes never left him, turning to look at him with wide orbs. "What are you all looking at? Turn the hell back around, hm!" The bomber snapped. Everyone obliged. The stupid challenge hadn't even started yet and it was already grating on his nerves the most. He was never very insecure about his appearance, but dressing up for show and competition like this was never his thing. Nor would he ever find himself wearing anything as sparkly and ridiculous as a pageant suit anyway. Not to mention how itchy the thing was.

"Attention everyone," There was noise coming from the stereos. All the chatter and murmur went down as Pein stood on the stage tapping the mic. A familiar woman with purple hair and tan skin stood next to him in a black dress. A thought suddenly crossed Deidara's mind in how their secret camp hadn't been spotted by anyone what with all the noise and bustle going on. He almost wished they would be caught. Well, it'd be worth avoiding this whole thing.

"Can I have your attention please. We do not have all day, and preparation for this challenge has already taken long as it is," Pein spoke, his deep voice sounding perfectly over the clearing. "Thank you. Before we start I would just like to thank all these young women in helping us with this pageant. It would've been... less than decent. Now Loki has a few words for us before we begin." Loki nearly snatched the mic from the Leader's hand.

"You can hear me? Okay. Hi Sasori-kun!" She squealed fan-girl like. Sasori acted like he didn't know her where he sat in the second row in the audience, looking over at a very interesting tree to his left. Loki cleared her throat trying to pull herself together. "Oh yeah. Back to business. Now, I present to you... The very first...!" Pein stopped Loki as he briefly whispered something in her ear. She nodded. "... And the last ever! Akatsuki Male Beauty Paaaaaageant!"

No one clapped save the other women and Tobi, who was instantly silenced after receiving a near fatal blow to the back of the head by a certain artist. Loki went on. "As you know, I'm your host Loki and today's judges will be... Konan, Sopi, and Ramigon!" Loki yelled pointing over to the judges who sat behind the judge stand a few feet away from the audience. All three of them turned waving at the crowd.

"Okay, so today we only have two contestants." Loki's eyes scanned the crowd looking for the two. "It's about time we introduce them, don'tcha think? Where are they anyway?"

"Oh! Oh, ah! Oh! Ah! Senpai-"

"Shut _UP_ you idiot of a monkey!" Deidara hissed, lowering himself deeper in his chair instinctively. A part of him was surprised he was acting this way. He was far from a shy person. But something about the way Loki was standing up there expectantly made his stomach do cartwheels.

"But she's talking about you Senpai! Go on, get on up there!" Tobi cried. Before Deidara knew it, once more, he was being shoved up to the stage by the masked man.

"Oh, alright!" Loki said as Deidara stumbled on stage, whirling around to give Tobi the I'm-gonna-kill- you-so- hard-when-this-is-over look, only to be enveloped in an enormous hug before the idiot bounded off stage giggling. Loki was right on Deidara before he could take another breath.

"I'm so glad you could make it, um...?" Loki shoved the mic into the blonde's face.

"Deidara, un." Deidara said flatly.

"Deidara! And look at you with your spiffiness and all! Here to burn the competition, huh?"

"Sure am... yeah," Deidara muttered holding back his glare. He remembered Sasori's advice. It was best he stayed nice to all the women. The women who would determine the winner of this disaster.

"And speaking of competition... here he comes!" Loki said as a very stiff looking Kisame was being slowly walked on stage with a reassuring Itachi holding his back. He wore a dark purple tuxedo with sleek black pants and a blazer. His loafers screamed bling, they were covered in a sheen of sparkles. His hair was combed back almost resembling Hidan's, and he even wore a poppy silver diamond chain with the Akatsuki sign. Loki sprung over to him. "Why don'tcha look at you, you're absolutely dazzling this evening! Why don't you introduce yourself to the crow-"

"Oh, no no, why don't-haha, eh- yes. Indeed, let's j-just, er, skip- hehe- the introductions and just get on-" Kisame stopped to suck in a gasping breath as if he were struggling not to hyperventilate. He seemed to be getting all the more nervous as he skimmed the quiet crowd. Itachi began patting his back again, handing the shark man a brown paper bag. Kisame took it, breathing into it furiously.

Loki sweat dropped. "Um... A little nervous l see, but don't worry at all. This will all be over, and in no time. Just focus on winning and you'll turn out all good. Just let me explain the rules and we'll start, okay?" Kisame barely seemed to be paying attention as he was sweating like never before, focused solely on trying to keep the weasel from exiting the stage.

"Itachi-san," he whispered harshly. "Perhaps you could stay up here..." Itachi shook his head with the slightest of movement.

"Kisame."

"But Itachi-san..."

"Kisame," Itachi said as everyone stared. "It is my duty to leave." The Uchiha pulled on his arm as politely as he could when razor sharp nails were digging into it desperately. Kisame wasn't having any of it.

"Hehe- _Itachi_..." He pleaded holding onto the weasel's arm for dear life. "Please don't leave me up here alone."

Itachi sighed."Kisame," sharingan began spinning."I won't say it again." Kisame gave up on his pleading look, taking a deep breath before sharing a prolonged glance with his partner. They both nodded and Kisame released Itachi's arm. Deidara couldn't believe the Hoshigaki's behavior. Never in his entire life would he have ever guessed just how much stage fright the most intimidating looking member of the organization had.

"Okay then... The rules should be easy enough to follow. For any normal pageant, we would usually hold at least three of what we call "round-challenges", but your leader has advised us to cut today's contest down due to the slim time. So, today we will only hold one round that will consist of a single activity. Now, keep in mind that pageants are not just about dressing up, but about what truly shines when we see you in action as well. The clothes are nice, but we really want to see the person wearing them, if you know what I mean. I want you both to take this very seriously." Loki cast both contestants meaningful looks.

"And of course let's not forget the most important thing concerning why we're even here today. Kisame-san," Loki said, looking at Kisame. "You are the main reason we are holding this. I want you to keep in mind that whether you win or lose, you still need to dig deep within and reach for that confidence that I know dwells down somewhere inside you."

"I'll do my best." Kisame said.

Loki smiled. "Of course, after everything is over, our judges, with the help of our women beauty council, will be deciding the ultimate winner."

Deidara gave Kisame one little glance and was surprised to feel pity wash over him. Through out the few years he'd been in the Akatsuki, Kisame had always been one of his very true companions. He was honestly the last one he wanted to face today. Which is why he felt all the more terrible knowing that there was no way he could let Kisame win. He was done losing.

"Before we start, one more thing," Loki said, invading Deidara's inner thoughts. "First, let us witness the Almighty Male Beauty Pageant Comrade Shake, and we will start!" Loki yelled into the mic, beaming at the two. They stared back at her confused. There was prolonged silence...

"For Jashin-sama's freakin' sake! The woman means SHAKE HANDS! How long could you sorry excuses for crap possibly drag this day on?! Let the damn pageant start already! I've been blown to shreds, pieced back together by the most _merciless_ heathen alive, sittin' out here in the hot sun all- AAAGH!" Loki screamed and Deidara ducked as Hidan's head went flying right over their heads, way over the pageant stage set up and deeper into the forest's unknown.

"Home run." Kakuzu muttered darkly from where he sat in the audience next to his partner's now decapitated body.

"Oh," Kisame said, refusing to look at the crowd as he extended his hand out to Deidara. "May the best man win." He tried to smile at the blonde as terrified as he was. Deidara couldn't smile back as he knew it'd be like betraying his shark friend. This was not a friendly stroll. This was war. But he still grabbed his blue hand. It was sweaty.

"May he, hm."

...

"Alright! Our first and only round-challenge for the Akatsuki Male Beauty pageant is called... A Shinobi's fashion and wonder...!" The crowd went wild.

Deidara stood in the wing of the stage, peeking his head out as he watched the audience go crazy. He was still irritated about the fact that he was forced to change out of the outfit he was just wearing a few moments ago all for the purpose of this single round. His mind blocked out Loki's voice as she explained the rules to the crowd. This was it. Kisame, no doubt, already had a chunk of everyone's sympathy with his stupid insecurity. This would decide it all. It was time to do this.

"...and so let's welcome our first contestant with his poppin' and bangin' style... Deidara!"

Deidara forced his legs to go forward as he made himself present on stage. Everyone went silent for a moment as they took in his appearance. He wore... well, something worth remembering. A very fine silky, yet furry black coat with exotic peacock feathers sticking wildly from the back. The coat draped down past his knees, and he had on shining silver and leather leggings. He had a jazzy black hat with sassy blue sunglasses, and some... odd manly wedged shoes that made him about a foot and a half taller.

"Wooow..." An unknown voice said from the audience.  
Deidara gulped down his nerves, balling his fists with determination. He began to walk.

After a few more awkward seconds, people began cheering from their seats. Suddenly the butterflies within him began to fly away, and Deidara found himself adding a bit of spring to his step. The crowd grew louder as he made his way down the run way.

"Yeah! You go Senpai! Work it, work it Deidara- that's my Senpai everyone! He looks so _FABULOUS!"_

"And he's off, folks. Look at him! He's decided to go with the bad and mysterious look, showing off his inner volatile vibe!" Loki screamed as she took in the bomber's look.

Soon Deidara was owning the stage as he walked up to the very front. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was surprised to feel himself hitting a pose which was, in fact, one hundred percent manly in every way, and in no way girly. Loki continued, talking all things Deidara.

"He enjoys blowing things up, some things exploding, explosive bakudan an- AH!"

"I've got it from here, hm." Deidara smirked, snatching the mic from Loki's hands. "Now, I like **all** things exploding- let's get that straight, hm. I enjoy collecting clay for my masterpieces- and not to mention I love cruising on my beautiful creations during a cool summer breeze, yeah." Deidara flashed a grin at the crowd of women that went crazy screaming his name, only boosting his confidence.

Deidara held onto the mic and began nearly strutting back in forth at the front of the stage showing off his outfit and glam. He was so caught up in the moment, heart pounding in his chest. Everyone loved him, he was burning the place down. Maybe this whole thing wasn't so bad after all. He was going to win this.

Deidara kept up his trotting, soaking in the sunlight. He felt the need to continue speaking. "That's me, Deidara, former ninja of Iwagakure, now of the Akatsuki. Vote me in as your win, hm!" He struck another pose, throwing his hands into the air like a true beauty king. The crowd grew louder, if that were even possible. "Make sure you meet me backstage too! And maybe I'll _think_ about signing auto-AAH-W-WHAA-!"

And.. just like that, his two seconds of fame was gone as quick as his beautiful art. There on the very front stage went the artist crashing down. Fell rather ungracefully flat on his face. He lay there on his face for a few moments frozen in time, not daring to move a centimeter. There was silence before the crowd erupted with laughter.

"It's okay Deidara, just... Keep it moving!" Konan said from her judge seat. The two judges beside her couldn't contain themselves.

That was it. Someone was going to die today. The blonde got to his feet in a blind rage, face as hot as an erupting volcano. "WHAT THE _FREAK_ IS, IS-!" he grabbed the slimy culprit that was sliding slowly down his face. The artist could not cease his sputtering as he held the cause of his humiliation eyes bulging at the crowd.

"Deidara...," Pein said calmly from where he'd gotten ahold of Konan's judge mic. It would be nice if preventing another explosion were possible. "Just throw the banana peel in the trash, and cont-"

"No! Are you freakin' kidding me, un?! How the hell does a damn _banana peel_ end up in the middle of the stage!?" Deidara bellowed, spit flying everywhere. "Someone put it there!" There was a dead silence as Deidara's eyes continued to spew imaginary fire at the audience. Suddenly Kisame spoke up from where he sat on the edge of the stage.

"Deidara, you'd really ought to calm down-"

"You all think this is funny don't you, hm?! Ohho, I know what's really funny, yeah. It's all-a you weakling's warm blood and fresh guts sliding soothingly down my face, in between my fingers as I watch your pathetic bodies blow into a work of art, now that's truly hilarious!" Deidara seethed, a twisted and insane smile stretching his lips as the crowd went dead silent after those words. The smile turned to a sneer once he caught Pein's murderous warning glare, however.

"Deidara. That. Is. Enough."

"You... You just, _Gaah_!" Deidara cried, dropping the mic. Everyone winced as it crashed to the stage making an earsplitting squeaking noise. The bomber tried his hardest to keep hold of the little sanity he had left. Fighting the urge to cry and scream and blow the whole place down, including the banana peel and whoever invented the banana peel- or whoever planted the cursed thing right were his foot was destined to end up. But since he wished to keep his head another day, he settled for smashing his hands together in a repeated violent clapping motion while making exploding noises like a small child. He did this while everyone just stared at him for several uncomfortable moments. Then he'd finally calmed himself down.

"I'm done, hm," he said as softly as he could into his regained mic. With that he walked slowly back to his seat next to Kisame, looking over at him. "Your turn, hm." Everyone stayed tense, positive the artist would burst into flames at any second.

Kisame sucked in a shuttering breath before his eyes glazed over with something unrecognizable. He stood up. "Alright." He strode through the curtains to change into his ultimate runway outfit and get ready.

After a moment of contemplation, Deidara realized that maybe he still had a chance of winning. If one would forget about his last little slip-up, everything else actually went pretty well. Besides, Kisame was a strong ninja all in all, but it was very clear to see that he wasn't exactly the best when it came to stage presence.

"And now presenting...Kisame Hoshigaki!"

KIsame came right on cue. Deidara had to admit he was a bit surprised by how In style the blue man was. His hair was still slicked back, but he wore a green and silky suit that was made for disco dancing. Even so, for some reason it looked anything but hideous. On his feet were some chunky white dancing shoes that could only look fashionable on the shark man. He also wore a black bowtie made with fabric so beautiful, it had glimmer and shine to it without a single jewel.

"This Hoshigaki is one true blue fellow! He may be a bit shy, but he'll definitely _submerge_ you into real conversation once you get him started!" Loki's voice boomed through the stereos. The crowd seemed to be going wild for Kisame just as much as for the blonde. Deidara looked on, his eyes narrowing as he watched Kisame walking down to center stage. Watched as he whirled around striking a... quite stylish pose before pivoting around with a head flick that any diva would envy.

As Kisame began strutting back towards the back of the stage where Deidara sat, the blonde caught sight of Kisame's wide shark grin and his flashing eyes. From that point on, Deidara knew something wasn't right. Kisame... He actually looked... confident. Deidara shook his head to snap himself out of it. Kisame was good... But he wasn't _that_ good.

"Wow, and he's going for it, ladies and gentleman! It appears Kisame-san has started something he just can't stop, and now he's off like a true shark-male diva!" Loki cheered, as Kisame was making his round again, steadily getting closer to his and Deidara's seats, his toothy grin faltered after making eye contact with the bomber.

Loki looked over at Deidara. "And at this rate, Deidara is surely falling behind. Sorry Dei-san!"

"That's it!" Deidara growled as he sprang to his feet. He was tired of this same thing happening over, and over again. If the shark Shinobi was going to end up winning, he was NOT going to be there to see it. As the artist turned to make his unruly exit off stage, he did so just in time to collide painfully into the glamorous blue man. They smacked into each other pretty hard, but didn't fall.

"Sorry about that Deidara," Kisame murmured brushing past the blonde who glared after him. The crowd kept up their zeal. Stupid seemingly insecure shark people and their secret talent for wiping the floor with other beauty pageant contestants. Still something was very off about Kisame's behavior...

And that's when the bomber noticed. The earpiece. A tiny blue ear piece that lie right where the two had bumped into each other just moments before. Deidara stared down at it for a second, then looked back up at Kisame who suddenly seemed to be uncertain about his movements in front of the crowd. Hesitating before striking a... pose that's better left unmentioned. The charisma was suddenly gone. Deidara scrutinized the little thing. He picked up the earpiece, stuffing it into his ear, and...

He was enraged at what he heard.

 _"... And... strut and strike, and strut and strike, and strut and strike, and strut! Come on, you're faltering Kisame, what's going on? Pull it back together, you can't afford to lose this challenge, am I wrong?"_

Deidara gapped so wide, his jaw practically locked in place from where he stood near his chair. Kisame had turned around again, now facing the blonde from where he stood at the front and center of the stage, frozen in place. Even from that distance, Deidara could see the horror on Kisame's face. He marched up to the front as well, glaring out at the voice hidden in the crowd. The voice went on.

 _"The banana peel was a rather excellent plan at its finest, and now you've still got the better of this challenge. It would be in your best interest if you kept this up Kisame...,"_ there was a pause. _"Kisame? Do you read me? Kisame, why have you ceased in your movements? May I ask why you are you staring at Deidara with terror? And I am confused as to why Deidara is glaring at me like he wants to... Oh. Hello Deidara."_

Deidara had never seen Itachi look so busted in his entire life. He sat in the second row with a dango in hand. A fake looking dango. A plastic dango that he'd been talking into. The fools. They'd beeen using the all new ultra-mega dango walkie talkie spy kit!

"You cheaters, un!"

"Eh, wait, Itachi-san!" Kisame cried after Itachi as the crowd erupted in murmurs of confusion. Deidara looked just in time to see the Uchiha as he threw his plastic dango towards a nearby tree and did a few hand signs, gone in a flurry of black feathers.

"Now, everyone silence right now." Pein ordered as the crowd settled down, Loki who stood on the side of the stage looked both offended and amused. Pein went on. "Enough. I saw everything. Kisame, why would you and Itachi do such a thing?"

"Hey, now hold on-"

"What just happened is what I'd like to-"

"This is an outrage, he cheated!"

Everyone seemed to catch on, people looking at Kisame with disappointment and Kisame was left to stand on stage in his shame. Soon Konan tapped her mic, speaking into it.

"Kisame, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Silence ensued once more and a serene look fell over the shark nin's face as all eyes fell upon him. "Listen everyone," he started. "I've made a bunch of mistakes in life, I've cheated, murdered, stole..." His eyes got a cloudy look, and Deidara was surprised by how firmly in place Kisame stood onstage, unwavering. "And I'm ashamed of what I've done... But I'd do it again. I've learned something truly valuable today. I've found that it's not just about the outer beauty, but it really matters what dwells within as well; my eyes have finally been opened to that crucial concept that I've been blind to for so long." Faces softened in the crowd and Kisame smiled. "So although Itachi has abandoned me, I still thank him for encouraging me today and making me realize the truth."

There were a few gasps of admiration and sniffles from the women. Deidara had to admit. Perhaps this cheat was for the best. With it, Kisame had found himself.

"That's... truly touching Kisame." One of the judges said softly through her mic. She smiled sadly. "But I'm sorry to say that you are still disqualified for your cheating."

"Yes. You have failed your challenge, Kisame." Pein cut in. Kisame looked on unfazed.

"As expected," he nodded.

"Wait a second...hm...that... That...that means I-I...", Deidara trailed off. His mouth grew dry. His heart stopped. He never thought he'd see the day. This time he was about ready to explode with joy.

FINALLY.

"So that means it is time to announce the winner of the first ever and last Akatsuki Male Beauty Pageant." Loki said. Deidara practically skipped over to her, bouncing on his toes with excitement. Loki paid him no mind. "And the winner of the Akatsuki Male Beauty Pageant..."

"Yes, _yes_..."

"Is..."

"Say it, say it already, hm!"

"Us."

"Huh?!"

Deidara turned his head just in time to see a glowing purple fist flying right at his face. Loki's fist.

"What the- ?!" He yelled as Loki didn't cease her attack. She went for him again, eyes blazing red. He sprang back, trying his best to dodge it, but letting one's guard down comes with tragic penalty. He was a second too late, and Loki grazed the side of his neck making a tiny scratch. At that same moment, Itachi appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Loki from behind in a chokehold. But he was a second too late, as the damage had already been done. Though a small scratch wouldn't normally be a huge deal, something was terribly wrong, and Deidara soon came to find that out when he began to feel overwhelming wooziness wash over him. It wasn't long before his whole body was tingling and his strength was draining rapidly, the weak sensation spreading like wildfire. He fell to his knees. He could barely make out the moving figures before him as his vision of the clearing blurred.

All that could be heard were screams, crashing, corruption.

"ALL MIGHTY PUSH!"

"Pein!"

"WATER STYLE: DANCE OF A THOUSAND WATER DROPLETS!"

"Go!"

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING-"

"SHIKIGAMAI DANCE!-"

"EARTH WIND AND FIRE-"

Deidara brought a shaky hand up to feel his neck that was slicked with sweat and the scratch was throbbing painfully. His whole body was.

How could this have happened?

He could sense how powerful her chakra was, even as she was currently being chocked by the Uchiha that stood right over him. How did he fail to sense it before? It was almost as powerful as Kisame's, but there was something dangerously edgy about it. Something that made the hairs on his neck stand. The blonde had no idea what it was, but he could tell from the moment Loki attacked that if her chakra were to touch him even in the _slightest_ , things would turn for the worst, and it appeared he was right.

"H-how, un?" Deidara said weakly, looking up at Loki who was struggling against Itachi in her chokehold. She still managed to smile evilly.

"We are the winners, Deidara. You lose. All of you idiots. You fell right into our trap, just like the dummies you are!" Loki spat, gasping for breath as Itachi's forearm tightened around her neck. "It's over, just give it up."

"Explain to us what is going on right now, or I will no longer hold back." Itachi said near robotically.  
Deidara was almost too weak to-

"Itachi," he rasped. Even as his vision grew worse by the second, he could still make out Loki's glowing fingers that were gripping the weasel's arm wrapped around her neck,, the sharp chakra burning through his clothes. Itachi looked unfazed when he looked at the bomber, but the small tremors his body made and the sweat trailing down his face was very visible. He was holding on for as long as he could.

"Look around you!" Loki laughed bitterly, though it sounded more like a wheeze. The once decorative clearing was now in complete turmoil. Chairs in disarray, tables and stands broken. Members... Kakuzu, Kisame... Even Konan. They were all on the field. Lying on the ground.

They must've been grazed.

But Sasori, Tobi and the others were not in sight at the moment.

"What have you done?" Itachi spoke again, his shaking intensified, he was getting weaker, but still strong enough to keep Loki in place.

Loki ignored the question much too enraptured by the horrific sight before her. "Droppin' like flies, just as we planned! What a shame, the world's most feared and evil organization falling to us like a bunch of weaklings. The big bad Akatsuki? So overrated."

"Why don't you try saying that again, un." Deidara held back his cough. If only he had his clay... Loki peered down at him as best she could with disgust.

"Are you stupid? It's best if you just shut up. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's happened, and you know it yourself. Our chakra is all powerful, rivaling those of jinchuriki. Even the slightest contact with it is enough to make almost anyone a goner. Connect the dots sweetheart!"

"What I'm hearing is too much nonsense and not enough of what I need to know. Tell me right now how this can be stopped." Itachi's voice never lost its steady tone.

"You must be joking! Don't get your hair in a tangle pretty boy, you'll find out soon enough all the answers you need to know. Go on, kill me if you wanna, I'll die, but you'll live to regret it, if you want to end up paralyzed for the rest of your life that is!" Itachi said nothing as he absorbed this information. What the heck was she talking about? "Aww don't feel so bad. At least you have someone to thank for this victory of ours. Your oh-so high and mighty leader. Ha, and look at him now."

Deidara looked over just in time to see Pein who was located right by the now totaled dressing booths. They lie in a thousand splintered pieces due to his previous almighty push. He'd used it in an attempt to take care of the handful of women that had come after him. Most of them were strewn in the pile of wreckage. His small success didn't stop the chakra's effect. Pein had been grazed, and in seconds, he was on the ground as well.

"Some _"god"_ he is," Loki laughed. Deidara looked up again all to see Itachi fall to his knees as well. His time was out and he was dead to the world before his entire body even had time to make painful contact with the stage.

Deidara could no longer support himself, and his arms gave out. So this is what he got for listening to Pein? Beautiful. Certain death. When he'd wished that the organization would get caught, this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind. The last thing he could sense was Loki's presence, as well as more women as they gathered around him. He could barely hear Loki's voice as the cackling reached his ears.

"This organization's weakness?... Utter stupidity."

THE END

...

 **A/N: Haha, just kidding, just kidding, it's not the end yet.**

 **Or... Is it?**

 **Oh. My. Gosh. Who would've ever guessed. The Akatsuki taken down... by the elite S-class Beauty Pageant Force...wow.**

 **Well, expect the unexpected, I guess (How many of you saw that coming?) Anyway... Is this REALLY the Akatsuki's end? If not, what will happen to all the members? Where are the others? Have they all died? Find out in the later next installment, if you dare.**

 **Thanks to all my readers who enjoy this story. I can't thank you all enough for your support :)**


	8. Gullibility

**A/N: Hey everyone. I have an announcement to make. Well. this is the FINAL chapter of Weaknesses! Yeah, kind of unexpected I know, but I guess I wanted to surprise everyone. Besides, this was meant to be my very first mini-series. So, here it is :)**

 **Warning: The longest chapter of this entire mini-series. Watch out!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything in this story except the plot.**

 **...**

 **Gullibility**

The place was dark. There was barely any light save the tiny illumination of the candles on the walls. The air was thick with humidity though there was still a chill to the air. There was eerie creaking and the lone echo of dripping water. The sound of low coughing and ruffling clothes could be heard.

"What in the name of Jashin? Where are we...?"

"Silence, Hidan," a deep voice ordered in a hushed tone. "Now. Everyone stay calm."

"Well, well, well. Why don't you look at that. It seems the rats are starting to stir." a sinister voice rang out into the atmosphere. It appeared all of the 'rats' had woken around the same time, Deidara first. His entire body tingled as he sat up like it does when one's foot is asleep. His eye lids throbbed with the weight of them. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was in some type of cave, but was trapped in an average sized cell.

The rest of the members were with him. Kakuzu, Sasori, Tobi, Konan, Hidan... even in one piece, Pein, and everyone else except Zetsu. No one paid him attention though, as they all had their eyes on the owner of the sinister and familiar voice that had begun cackling. It was a dark skinned woman with light purple hair and dark eyes. She wore a slick black jumpsuit and she stood just outside the bars of the cell that contained the members. She looked at them all with a very smug expression. It was none other than Loki.

"It's you!" Deidara growled, clenching his fists. He stood up. "Once I get my hands on you, just watch, you'll wish I had made you my masterpiece the moment we met... hm!" After a second, Deidara was alarmed when he realized that his chakra system was not functioning normally, in fact it had been disrupted and his chakra could not be summoned. He couldn't sense the other members' chakra either.

Loki laughed again. "Oh, how cute! I see you've still got a bit of a temper little boy. Don't worry, being hungwy makes me a bit cwakny too. It's feeding time for you all anyway." Loki mocked in a baby voice as two other women suddenly appeared with two large purple trays that held some slimy loaf looking meaty substance, nine cups of... something, and a pyramid of odd black biscuits. One of the women picked up a few and began lobbing them at the members who broke out in an explosion of protests and death threats.

"Loki. What is it that you really want? As leader of this organization, I demand to know what is going on." Pein said, dodging one last black biscut causing everyone to halt in their rampaging.

Loki and the other women stared almost dumbfounded at the ginger haired man before bursting out laughing. Everyone stared at them for what seemed like forever before they finally pulled themselves together. A green haired woman on Loki's right spoke up. "Such _nerve_ coming from the unbelievably gullible so called leader who's responsible for his entire teams capture." She said as Pein said nothing in return, seeming to ignore what had just been spoken. Unsatisfied with Pein's lack of response, the woman went on. "But since we feel bad for you all... we've decided to let you in on a few little secrets..."

The shorter brunet woman with white glasses on Loki's left cut in. "Yes we might as well let you all know that we work for Orachimaru. So surprising?" Almost everyone seemed to be taken aback by this. The silence was broken once more as the cell exploding with shouts and protests.

"Orachimaru?" Sasori said darkly, staring straight ahead, a darkness draping over him.

"Just freakin' great. You mean to tell me that that slitherin' snake bastard is behind all this crap?!" Hidan yelled, exasperated.

"Hold on." Pein ordered. His voice once again causing everyone to quiet down. He stood, taking measured steps toward the bars of the cell. The women did not move an inch from where they stood right on the other side of the prison.

"Pein." Konan called steadily from where she sat in the back of the cell, propped up against the back wall. Pein did not turn to look into Konan's eyes that shone with doubt. His fierce rinnegan pierced Loki's eyes as he spoke his next words.

"Now that we have been informed on who is really pulling the strings to this entire scheme, I would like to speak with Orachimaru." Pein ordered. Loki rose an eyebrow at Pein's authorial tone.

"Well, what can I say?" Loki said shrugging her shoulders after a moment. She looked between the two girls beside her. "I guess someone who's been through so much deserves to have that wish granted at least." With that, the purple haired girl took a step back as if she were about to get her snake master, when suddenly, she whirled back around, grasping her face. Everyone froze as Loki suddenly... ripped her face off to reveal the all too familiar features of the infamous snake sannin.

It was Orachimaru in the flesh.

Or perhaps, before, one could say it was Orachimaru **UNDER** the flesh...

For about the third time that day, the cell erupted in shouts of anger, everyone caught off guard, save Pein who still stood there, appearing to be expecting something like this.

"Did you miss me, everyone?" Orachimaru cooed, letting Loki's tattered face plop to the ground at his feet. He let out a deep and evil chuckle as the light purple hair of Loki began to fade out to a shiny black color that belonged to the snake man. He shook it out, running his fingers through it.

"Orachimaru." Pein spoke, his eyes narrowed.

"Pein-sama." Orachimaru hissed.

"I normally hate waiting, but allow me to take in this moment to come to the realization that-" Sasori cut himself off, everyone looking at him as he sank to his knees. He seemed to be fighting the urge to throw up though it was impossible anyway. He also seemed to be struggling against not killing everyone in the cell at that very moment. His eyes had become wide as he clutched at his heart chamber for dear life. His mouth opening slowly. "I... I... _You_..."

"Sasori?" Deidara started, trying to prevent his Danna from suffering an internal breakdown, but maybe he was a bit late. He'd never seen the puppet master in such shock before.

"Oh, _yes_ , Sasori. I'm afraid that was me indeed." Orachimaru said, a sly grin stretching his lips. "I'm sorry to have crushed your future plans with the only woman who has shown, or will ever show an interest in you your entire life." Orachimaru smirked at his former partner who was speechless, an unreadable expression on his wooden features. "Oh, don't feel too bad Sasori-kun. What we shared at 'our tree'? It was _very_ real. Fuffufufuuu."

Sasori's face took on it's creepily murderous look, though it was twisted also with disgust, voice dripping with poison. "Why you..."

"That is enough playing around." Pein cut in, his eyes never leaving the snake man before him. Orachimaru let his eyes shift back to the pierced man's, the playfulness remained in them. "Orachimaru. After all these years of prying your way into our organization, betraying a fellow member, and fleeing with trustworthy information, you dare to wriggle your way back in and interfere with us again. You are a disgrace."

This only seemed to further amuse the sannin. "The audacity! How adorable that I'm hearing this from the largest disgrace I've seen in years." Orachimaru knocked on his head a couple times. "Have you gotten it through that thick skull of yours, leader? Just look at your team!" Orachimaru howled with laughter as he glanced past Pein's shoulder to look upon the rest of the members who either stood or sat against the wall behind Pein. "You started this week long idiotic training to work on the weaknesses of the Akatsuki, but you've got the biggest weaknesses of all! Look at how gullible you are! Accepting a random stranger's request to aid you in your pitiful challenges. Someone who you most likely underestimated just because of her appearance. You're a failure!"

The leader did not bat an eye. "I may have failed my team this once. But at least I haven't run away from my failure like you always do when you fail. Just like you did with the organization when you failed to pursue Itachi's body. At least I've learned from this failure of mine. Something you'll never do because you continue to run. That's what makes one such as yourself a true failure, Orachimaru."

There was silence for a moment. Anger flashed in the snake man's eyes before he forced a smirk onto his lips. "You fool. We both know the only reason you haven't run away from this embarrassment of yours is because you can't. You're trapped. You couldn't run even if you wanted to, and we are all fully aware of that." Orachimaru ignored the fury that intensified in the rinnegan user's eyes. "No matter," He continued, waving Pein off, turning his back to the cell. "I'll be out of this organization's hair for a good while once I've done my research on each one of you and have squeezed every last bit of information on the Akatsuki out of you all. One by one. I'll be back tomorrow. By then, the seals will have taken full effect... Fufufufuuu." With that, Orachimaru was gone into the darkness, his chuckles the only evidence he was just there.

Only one woman remained by the cell. The woman with the brown hair and white glasses. She looked down for a moment. "Have fun with those by the way." She said pointing down at Pein's wrist where she stood before winking at everyone and strutting off into the darkness as well.

The leader looked down at his wrist. It wasn't before long that everyone did the same.

"So this is what..." Deidara murmured, taking notice of the black snake-like tattoo that encircled his wrist. It occasionally would glow blue. After the glow, he'd take notice of how he suddenly felt weaker. Like his strength was being slowly sapped away. The tattoo-like seal was the thing disrupting his chakra flow and weakening it. He'd already lost so much chakra, his jutsu would not work. It wouldn't be long before the seal made everyone weak enough to the point that...

"Alright, listen up everyone." Pein had turned to face his fellow followers, obviously having caught on to the seal's purpose and future threat to them all. "If we want to make it out of here alive, we must act right now. I can tell that we've already been here for more than a day, and we do not have much time left. We have already lost too much chakra to perform any of our jutsu, and we are already nearly as weak as-"

"Get to the damn point already! Not doin' anything but gettin' weaker over here, and I don't die! When all-a you heathens meet your demise, I'll be stuck here till' the snake is done with his fun of pokin' n proddin' at me, and that'll be forever! Seriously."

Although he was most likely still strong enough to chop him beyond recognition with the little chakra he had left, an exhausted Kakuzu settled for simply glowering death at his loud-mouthed partner this time. Perhaps they should just leave him here...

Pein stared at Hidan for a moment longer before letting his eyes shut slowly. He sucked in a breath before letting it out as slowly as he could. He rubbed his forehead, turning away from everyone once more and for once, Pein actually seemed to be showing signs of weariness.

 _'Heh, serves him right, hm. Let him finally suffer for all the pain he's put me through this past_ _week'_ Deidara thought. He supposed for once, within all of this chaos, whatever divine being there was out there was FINALLY on HIS side. Pein deserved every bit of stress that was coming his way. Besides, if it weren't for the stupid challenges, the entire beauty pageant ambush would have been non-existent.

Finally, Pein seemed to regain his thoughts, turning back around to continue with his speech. "My point is, some sort of plan needs to be put into play."

"So... What is the plan then, Pein-sama?" Tobi asked where he sat next to the blonde.

Pein looked at him. "I'm sorry, Tobi. I could've sworn I said 'some sort of plan **needs** to be put into play', meaning that there has not yet **been** a plan formed, and so therefore, at this current point in time there **is** no plan, but I guess I didn't make myself clear enough, so I apologize." Pein said, eyes icy. He wasn't really apologizing.

"Ha! You're kiddin' me right? Look at this. We have no plan, our _leader_ for Jashin-sake has no plan! This entire week long bull-crap was just a waste of our precious time, completely useless, and what for? For all of this. We're all screwed." Hidan said bitterly. He kicked the side wall of the cell trying to direct all his anger into it.

"...I... believe Hidan's right, Leader," Kisame dared to speak his mind from where he lay on the stone ground. "This entire idea of yours to strengthen our weaknesses this week. I can see how it may've helped us personally, but at the end of the day, has this training really amounted to anything? We don't even have our chakra... Maybe this whole training thing was worthless after all..." Kisame trailed off with a sigh.

There was silence as everyone took in Kisame's words. Maybe he was right. What did they TRULY gain from this whole week. Funny moments? A humiliated Deidara? A blown up base? Corruption and capture? For once, Pein was truly at a lost for words.

"I've heard enough." Tobi said, standing up. "I can't believe how quickly you all have forgotten!" He pulled his arm away as Deidara scowled at him, trying to make him sit back down before he made a further fool of himself. He strode over to the bump in the center of the cell, stepping onto the lump that made him about two inches taller, but to him, it made all the difference. "First of all, we are the Akatsuki. The most feared organization in the ninja world. We may be in this situation, but if we think about it, we've been through much worse, am I right?"

"Well. The... Imbecile may actually have a point." Kakuzu said.

"You bet I do!" Tobi nodded vigorously, happy to have someone on his side. "Now listen, I know most of you may think this entire week has all been for nothing, but think about it. No one can honestly say we haven't become stronger in some type of way!"

"Speak for yourself, Tobi, hm." Deidara said irritably.

"No, just listen! If it weren't for those challenges, Itachi wouldn't've gotten over his stoicism, and-well-at least some of it."

"Yes. I suppose you're right, Tobi." Itachi said from where he sat on a ratty futon in the corner.

Tobi continued "A-and I wouldn't've gained the lethal aggression I have today! And-"

"Give me a break. If you call tickling someone nearly to death _'lethal aggression'_ \- just forget it. I give up...hm." Deidara muttered.

"You know what, Tobi?" Pein suddenly stood from where he sat next to Konan. "I think you've just given me an idea." Pein looked around slowly at everyone. There was something very similar to determination in his eyes. "Everyone. Let us prepare for our escape."

...

"I want you to stay on the look out. Be on your guard." Pein whispered.

"Yeah, I've got it already." Sasori said in a lazy tone as he sat leaning leisurely on the cell's bars. When he heard the footsteps ascending from the hall, the footsteps they'd all been waiting for for hours, the scorpion's half-lidded eyes slid up to lock with Pein's. The leader nodded. It was time.

"Time for your dinner you little worms... Wha?" A wide crystal blue eyed woman carrying the Akatsuki's next meal was having trouble forming words as she heard the rather angelic voice of a certain red-headed puppet. He was singing a soft melody that sounded oddly like a mix between a love song and a lullaby.

 _"When I looked into the corner, there was something on my mind... When I glanced upon the moonlight I saw the sky. A blood red sky..."_ His brown eyes were heavy on the woman as he continued singing. _"I'm blinded by the droplets, and I can no longer see. The death I cringe away from is now consuming me..."_ The more he sang, the closer the woman came to the bars. It was almost as if his music were hypnotizing and it wasn't long before she was nearly pressed up against the metal. Suddenly, Sasori ceased his singing.

"Wow. How... How did you learn to sing like that? Your voice...it's quite lovely." The crystal eyed woman could not hide how impressed she was.

Sasori blinked before breaking their prolonged stare. His face for once in a long time took on a look that resembled a true human being's. Though no one but the woman could see it since his back was turned to everyone else, his face morphed into a near concerned expression. "Well, I appreciate your admiration, but unfortunately this voice of mine will not be heard by many new souls in the future. Once Orachimaru is done with me there will be nothing left from what I can predict." Sasori said, his deceivingly soft voice lowering to a whisper.

"Oh." The woman's eyes shown with pity. Then with anger and regret. "You know, I never was too fond of Lord Orachimaru." Her eyes grew dark. "He and his experimentations are things that have haunted one too may of my dreams at night. Probably because he and his experimentations have been my reality one too many times."

Sasori forced his look of concern to deepen. "So you know then. You could help us. Every worker has the key, I know that for a fact." He stated. He was confirmed of that fact once the woman looked down at her apron. She reached down and the scorpion was met with the silver glimmer that flashed in the dim light. The servant looked at the key she held to her face with uncertainty.

"What are you planning?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, however, she did not step away from the bars, her body still pressed against them. The key dangerously close to the redhead.

"We've all been handicapped. The only thing we wish to do is merely escape."

Though she knew he was the enemy, something about his warm brown eyes didn't want her to turn away. "Look... I'm aware of your circumstances, you have a heavenly voice, bu- hey!" The servant cried. Even with her immense power and Sasori's lack there of, the scorpion was much quicker, and he had the key in his wooden hand before one could even say wooden. She glared at him, a look of betrayal in her eyes. Sasori wanted to role his. So naive.

"No one else is around. I suggest you flee while you have the chance. As far as I know, you have nothing to do with us getting ahold of the key. That is as long as you keep quiet. If we get caught, I'm sure Orachimaru will be delighted to know which one of his oh so loyal servants let us free." All previous sympathy and warmth was void of Sasori's face. "I've known him long enough to know he's not above using his traitors as his number one test subjects. Thanks for your help."

The woman couldn't argue with that one. With one last angered and frantic look left, right, and at the scorpion, she was gone. Sasori twirled the key on his finger, sharing a nod with Pein.

"Wow." Deidara said slapping his partner on the shoulder as he stood to work the key. "Maybe you really should sing more often... yeah."

...

"Hey, listen up ya heathens. Now we gotta take it straight to the back before making a swift right. We'll take the shortcut by... Uh, oh yeah! Making a left at lair D. Then we'll turn right and make our way down to the corridor. Got it, cause I ain't repeatin' myself." Hidan whispered in a surprisingly serious tone. Everyone was behind him in a cautious single file. All nodded in unison.

"Good job Hidan. I suppose you do pay attention more than we give you credit for. Or even, more than you give yourself credit for." Pein whispered back next to Hidan as he peeked out from behind the wall.

"Eh, I pay attention to that kinda stuff. The stuff Kakuzu tells me about the enemy. As boring as it is, I figured listenin' in on what ancient info he's collected over the years about snake-tard's lair would come in handy, ya know? He may be older than the first Hokage's grandpa, but the old fart sure as heck knows some things."

"Good for you, Hidan. Now shut up." Kakuzu said.

After a few moments of silence, with as much stealth as they all could muster, the members were on the move. Their eye balls were never once still in their sockets as they scanned the areas around them unceasingly. They sprang from one test tube to the next metal table, tiptoeing and hiding with the agility of the true ninja they were.

"Hm. Just how much is the snake's lackeys slacking today?" Deidara whispered to the group. He was silenced by Konan's warning look. So far so good. There was practically no one in sight, which was a bit alarming. But miraculously, they managed to sneak past everyone. That was until-

"Hey. Just where the hell do... The Akatsuki? Hold on, just stop it right there." Everyone froze in place. Why didn't they sense the approaching chakra before? But... there was something familiar about this voice.

"Hn." Itachi turned to face the owner of the deep, demanding voice. "Sasuke."

"Itachi Uchiha." Sasuke could barely contain the anger that threatened to boil over his kettle pot of composure and collectiveness. He clutched his sword with such force that the hot blood pulsing through his knuckles threatened to gush free. His sharingan were activated within seconds, spinning wildly. "You murdering bastard..." He snarled. He was so angry, so deeply enraged that he didn't even notice Itachi slowly approaching him. "I've been training... Training all this time. Carrying my hatred. Now... _Face me!"_

"Sasuke." Itachi said, softer this time as he slimmed the distance between them until there was only a foot separating the two. The older Uchiha glanced behind his shoulder for a second before whipping his head back around. "Facing you in my condition is not plausible at the moment. My only objective at this time is to escape." He began to bring an arm up slowly. Sasuke didn't waste a second in grabbing the weasel's wrist, halting his movement. He squeezed it with much force, not letting go.

"Face me Itachi." He repeated in a growling whisper, his voice rising. "There is nothing to discuss, no excuses for the unspeakable that you have done. Done to our clan! You will face me right this very moment, you hear me?!" Sasuke thundered.

Itachi sighed, closing his eyes before reopening them. Looking at Sasuke's nose instead of his deadly sharingan since he wasn't able to rival them at the moment. "Very well then. I shall face you." He said.

"Tch. Damn right you'll face me, you- what the- hey! Get your hands off me! Itachiii!" Sasuke cried as he was suddenly forced into the tango position. He began tripping clumsily over Itachi's feet as the weasel forced them forward, taking measured steps to the beat of the music playing in his head. The brothers stepping in the direction their outstretched arms and intertwined fingers were pointing.

"Itachi, what in the hell are you doing? Release me right now!" Sasuke said shakily. He was so caught off guard that he didn't even think to use his chakra, and before the flustered Uchiha could take another breath, he was being dropped down into the dip, his older brother supporting his weight, looked down at him, their faces inches apart.

"Foolish little brother. You told me to face you, am I mistaken? What's wrong with simply battling it out in dance? What is it, Sasuke. Is it that you cannot handle these moves?" Itachi asked before yanking the disoriented Sasuke back up in the blink of an eye. Then the weasel pulled his arms up, twirling Sasuke so fast that the younger Uchiha could've sworn he saw Orachimaru doing the Macarena. Before long, Itachi released him, to break into his own free-style, giving Sasuke no choice but to do nothing but stand there and watch. Itachi wasted no time in hitting the cupid shuffle and the robot, letting his dancing soul take him away.

Sasuke could not bare this. "GAAAH! No Itachi! My eyes! T-they burn! My sharingan! Can't... stop... replaying the moves in my head! NO...!" Sasuke moaned clawing at his eyes. The older Uchiha saw this as his chance, grabbing Sasuke spinning him once more with ultra speed before releasing him, causing Sasuke to stumble aimlessly.

Sasuke couldn't catch his footing, already feeling sick to his stomach, he sank to the ground. He could never take dancing, and Itachi knew that...

"Why," Deidara started, staring at Itachi incredulously. "Why didn't he use his own moves like that while facing _ME_ , hm?!"

"You... I'll kill you, Itachi..." Sasuke cut himself off to slap a hand over his mouth.

"My foolish little brother. You're still too weak. You don't have enough pop and lock. And you know something?" Itachi took a step back as everyone else began preparing to continue on their run to escape. "You never will. Tobi."

"I'm on it!" Tobi chirped, bounding toward the two Uchiha. He stood over Sasuke. "Goodnight Sasuke-kun!"

"Goodnight? Just what do you think you mean b- GAH!" and just like that, Tobi had done his special karate chop over the poor Uchiha's head, knocking him out. He looked to Itachi. Itachi nodded gravely.

"Your aggression has truly bloomed, Tobi."

"Why," Deidara started, staring at Tobi incredulously. "Why didn't he use THAT type of aggression while facing ME, hm?!"

"Do not dwell on the past, Deidara." Pein said. "It is time to continue-"

"Not so fast you old lot... Fufufuuu..." Everyone whirled around it was Orachimaru.

"Ah, darn it! The exit is literally a few halls away! We're almost there. Seriously!" Hidan whined.

"Oh, dear me. What an embarrassment. It appears my lackeys have truly failed me to let you all have gotten this far without much trouble at all. How unworthy..." Orachimaru looked away for a second before his expression brightened with hope. "But, but, my dear boy Sasuke is on his way, and I'll just let him take care of you a- OOH..." Orachimaru had just taken sight of his 'dear boy' sprawled out on the floor behind Itachi and Tobi. The sannin's eyes narrowed. "Well... Even without Sasuke, this is as far as you'll go, I'm afraid."

"I'm sorry to rain on your parade, Orachimaru," Kisame said stepping from the crowd of Akatsuki. "But I assure you, we will be escaping today." Everyone was shocked into silence by Kisame's confident tone.

"And just who?" Orachimaru did a double take before doubling over with laughter at Kisame who stood before him. "Oh, how hilarious. What could YOU possibly do you fine piece of blue sushi. Give me a bit of seafood poisoning? Fufufuuu..."

Kisame stood firm, his expression hardening. "Well, such arrogance coming from a powder white snake-man who's ears are much too small for his body." Orachimaru blanched at this, further encouraging Kisame who looked at him knowingly. "Ear surgery again? Well, I'm sorry to say it's not looking too good." He said. Surprisingly, almost all the members began laughing at this joke making things worse for the snake wielder.

"The disrespect! Well, I-I I'll have you know... It just... It is only the... The most..." Orachimaru fumbled for what to say, anything to make up for how stupid he looked at the moment. As almost everyone continued laughing, he couldn't restrain himself from feeling at his tiny ears, his skin paling from embarrassment.

"You've lost Orachimaru. All thanks to Kisame's now unshakable confidence. Well done, Kisame." Pein said, rather proud of his blue subordinate.

Orachimaru spent all of two more seconds standing in front of the members, his lips twitching downward. He then simply shook a fist weakly at everyone, before making a break for it, running down the hall into the darkness. "Kabuto! You said the surgery would turn out fabulously this time!"

Everyone shared glances with one another in silence, wondering if it was already over after barely putting up much of a fight.

"The exit! Let's go already!" Hidan shouted. And with that, they all fled.

...

After about thirty minutes of non-stop jogging, all the members were eventually stopped by Zetsu who'd emerged from the undergrowth just ahead of everyone.

"Zetsu-san!" Tobi squeaked running up to hug his life long companion. "I was wondering where you were during all of this! I was so worried about you!" Tobi tried to hold back his tears.

 **"GET YOUR GLOVED HANDS OFF OF ME YOU SWIRLY BUFFOON."** Black Zetsu warned. Tobi complied.

"Zetsu. Glad to see you have escaped as well in one piece. I assume you have news." Pein said wanting answers.

Zetsu nodded. "It's alright everyone. You guys don't have to run anymore. **LORD ORACHIMARU COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU SKUMBAGS NOW.** Yes, he has decided to let you all leave. Said he had too much to worry about right now- **HE SAID HE GOT YOU WEAKLINGS ONCE AND HE'LL DO IT AGAIN WHEN HE'S GOOD AND READY.** Oh- but we'll be ready for him next time. Won't we Tobi?" White Zetsu asked trying to take all the attention off of Black Zetsu.

"Yay! Orachimaru's not coming! We did it! We're free! Yatta!" Tobi cheered, pumping his fist. After a few more moments of questioning from Pein and Konan about Orachimaru and his henchmen, they both finally concluded that the coast was, indeed, clear. Soon, everyone was celebrating, laughing and smacking hands.

It wasn't long before the tattoos began fading from everyone's wrists as well, and with the fading came the return of each member's steady chakra flow. Everyone assumed it was due to the fact that they were no longer in Orachimaru's lair. Soon, Pein announced the plan for the Akatsuki's next moves, and the everyone started on their long trek back to headquarters in Amegakure, all chatting loudly amongst themselves.

As Deidara kept his pace in the back of the cluster of Akatsuki, he noticed Pein beginning to slow until he was walking right by his side. Deidara chanced a sideways glance at the leader with a raised eyebrow. Pein did not look at him.

"Deidara I want to take the time out to thoroughly deliver my apology." He started. He remained looking straight ahead, but the bomber could still make out Pein's face. As emotionless as ever. But this time, with a bit of sincerity evident in his ringed eyes. "In the beginning up until your detonation of our base, my reasoning's for this little project were nothing but genuine and true for the purpose of the Akatsuki's progression. But even when things got to a point in which I had a feeling things were getting out of hand, I let my own misconceptions and personal desires overpower my godly thinking..."

Deidara suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Even during apologies the Leader didn't stand a chance against his ego.

"... And it was irresponsible on my part, and therefore, completely unacceptable. Over the course of this week, I've been fully aware that your quality of life has been less than a sail across the ocean-"

Before the artist was sure of what he was doing, he sighed, shaking his head, successfully halting the rinnegan user. "Pein-sama, you don't have to apologize, hm. It was... really no big deal at all, yeah." Deidara said quietly. He crossed his arms, looking up at the sky, seeming to be contemplating something. "In fact, now really thinking about it..." He trailed off.

"What is it Deidara?" Pein asked.

Deidara pulled his eyes away from the sky, turning his head to look straight at Pein who was already looking at him expectantly. "Anything that involves being almost tickled to death by a crazy masked man, getting burnt to a crisp by a copycatting weasel, getting out-sung by an impassive puppet, being out-smarted by the largest douchebag alive, and almost winning a beauty pageant only to be captured by insane women? Well, when it all comes down to it, compared to an actual mission I'd normally get assigned, all that stuff was really nothing at all, hm." Deidara finished taking in the leader's slight look of shock.

"You're not serious, Deidara." Pein stated, though this sounded more like a question.

The truth was, call him insaner than insane... But Deidara had come to realize a few things. A few things that changed his views on everything concerning this past week. He wasn't completely sure what it was, but there was just something about the way he saw all his teammates today. Working to escape for their lives. Even when stripped of their greatest armor, their most deadly weapons rendered useless. Even when they were no stronger than any normal villager... They still came out victorious. There was something about watching it all happen. Something that was almost artistic in its own light. Not his true definition of 'artistic'. But still something nonetheless.

And...If it weren't for him being a part of every challenge, if it weren't for him being the opponent that forced his teammates to face their weaknesses, and If it weren't for him being on the receiving end of each malfunction that followed the day's end, then where would they all be right now? Though the entire week long 'training' seemed like a beyond stupid idea before, Deidara finally realized how important his 'mission' truly turned out to be, and everything he went through, it all ended up being for the best. Most importantly, he had survived.

And by surviving, in a way, he'd saved everyone else as well.

"No. I'm completely serious, leader." Deidara said looking down at the never-ending leaves for a moment. But still... "Though I'd have to say an apology is _partially_ in order due to the hell you put me through and all, hearing you apologize is just too... weird. No... Awkward n' outta place, yeah."

Pein nodded solemnly. "I see."

"And besides," Deidara said smirking suddenly. "Any mission that involves me discovering even my leader's weakness is kinda worth it, hm?"

The near sincerity in Pein's eyes seemed to evaporate within seconds once that comment was uttered. After a moment he spoke again.

"Deidara. It surprises me greatly how much appreciation you have gained from this mission. Despite the minor slip ups you have caused, you have still managed to do an exceptional job all in all. And for that, you shall receive your mission's pay by tomorrow evening."

"Oh, well. Thanks, hm!" Deidara said. He held back his grin of satisfaction.

Pein nodded, looking back to Deidara. "You've earned it. But you know what else you've earned? You have performed so well on this particular mission that I have decided to promote you to the next level. When we get back to headquarters tomorrow you will be better informed. There is a mission that I have put on hold for... certain reasons. But it can no longer wait. And with much thought, I have just decided that it is the perfect mission for you, Deidara."

As they neared the end of the woods, Deidara continued to facepalm himself internally. Why did he always, _always_ do stupid, reckless stuff- things like actually testing the leader's boundaries? Really Deidara? Besides, he should've known that with the leader of the world's most evil organization, there was always a catch. After what seemed like tortures hours to him, the blonde finally asked the question that was making him doubt this whole thing, and he felt a strange sense of deja vu.

"Leader. What exactly IS this 'perfect mission' going to be, hm?" For the second time ever, Deidara saw Pein's lips quirk up in a ghost of a smirk before he turned looking straight ahead again. Though it was almost too fast for the eye to see, the bomber didn't miss the spark of mischief in Pein's eye.

"You'll see."

 **A/N: Well, that's it everyone. I'm actually a bit sad that this is over. Been working on it ever since June and now it's finally done. Once more, thank you all for reading, wheteher you are a member, somone who doesnt have an account, or anyone else. I appreciate all that have enjoyed this story ;D I know I have.**

 ***Merry Christmas and Happy holidays by the way!**


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